Junior's Joint. He's camped out in the living room, watching La Dolce Vita on cable, when Bobby comes over for his daily visit. Unfortunately, this scene really only serves to offer up the double whammy of reminding me how much I resent a Junior scene in an episode with no Silvio or Paulie, and also highlighting how crappy HBO's rotation of movies tends to be these days. Junior bitches, as he is wont to do, and then Bobby gossips, as he is wont to do. It seems he ran into Rosalie Aprile over at the bakery, and she told him all about Pa's big birthday bash. Junior is more than a little miffed that he didn't get an invite, so he decides to call up Hugh and personally deliver his regrets at not being able to attend. Bobby warns him that it's supposed to be a surprise, but that doesn't stop Junior. "What are we, children?" he asks. Well, let's see. You wander off unattended, you frequently sob uncontrollably, and you often have trouble controlling your excretory functions. Yep, sound like a child to me. At any rate, Junior dials directory assistance to get the DeAngelis' number, and then gleefully pushes the button to have the call auto-dialed. "What the fuck, it's over anyhow," he mutters. Okay, fine. Heh. Pa answers the phone, and seems a bit nonplussed to be hearing from Junior, who complains that he can't attend the "jubilee" because "the federal government says I can't leave the house, and my family keeps me sedated." Wow. I think this guy spent a little too much time hanging out with Livia during his golden years. Junior also explains his decision to ruin the surprise by saying that at their age, it's a surprise just to wake up in the morning. Hugh, however, obviously abides by a fairly liberal spoiler policy, because he's thrilled to learn that there are surprise shenanigans afoot, and hangs up with a happy grin. Bobby, on the other hand, just puts down his coffee and stomps right out of Junior's house without saying a word.
Bada Bing. Tony is in the back office, and Diet Tony comes shuffling in to deliver his weekly kick up. He seems fairly happy with his new air bag assignment, although he does joke that when he was in prison, he thought an air bag "was Paulie Walnuts." Oh, Michael. Show, don't tell. Tony is happy to see his cousin returning to a profitable life of crime, although that happiness dissipates fairly quickly when Diet Tony asks for more responsibilities. "I think I could be of a lot more service to you in other areas," explains the thin one, "and getting straightened out wouldn't hurt either." Just as he did with Feech, Tony suggests that Diet Tony remain focused on what he's already got. And then Tony -- who's looking very tony in his black button-down -- suggests that he, Tony Siragusa, and Diet Tony all sit down to watch the Tony awards, where Tony! Toni! Toné! will be giving a live performance of their smash hit "The Toe/Knee Two-Step," from a popular new musical about the life and times of Nancy Kerrigan. Okay, not really. Instead he just offers to lend his cousin some money, although Diet Tony declines the offer. The subject then changes to Pa's upcoming surprise party, because Diet Tony has been invited, and he doesn't know what to get the guy for a gift. This forces Original Tony to explain that he won't actually be in attendance, although in his version of the story, he's the one who suggested the whole non-invite idea, instead of Carmela. Diet Tony doesn't believe that anymore than he believes that JFK was going to leave Jackie for Fran Felstein.