Marco Polo

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Happy Birthday To Hugh

This news doesn't make mommy any happier, and then just when you think things can't get any worse, Meadow arrives, Finn in tow. Oy. It really is "a living hell." Finn heads out to the pool (though not before getting a very dirty look from Uncle Diet Tony, whatever that may mean), and Meadow immediately starts going through all the cabinets, looking for a baking pan so that she can make Grandpa's favorite "maple-walnut icebox cake." Carmela, of course, was hoping for actual help from her daughter, which just goes to show that she's quite possibly the stupidest person on the face of the Earth. Diet Tony, meanwhile, has been staring at Meadow this entire time, and she finally looks up and notices. In a tone that's probably a little more flirtatious than necessary, she asks if he's had any luck tracking down his daughter Kelly. Diet Tony say no, although he has been "scouring the internet" ever since he got out of jail. Hmm. If she is on the internet, I'm not really sure he's going to want to find her there. I do, however, have to give credit to Steve and Jamie-Lynn, because these two manage perfectly to straddle the line between innocent grieving father/surrogate daughter affection and creepy jailbird uncle/hot teenaged niece incest. And by straddle, I don't actually mean "straddle," by the way.

Carmela has grabbed the letter from Wegler and carried into the dining room to read.

Meadow and Diet Tony are still behind in the kitchen, and continue their conversation about Kelly. "I can imagine how much you must miss her," sighs Meadow, and Tony takes that as an opportunity to sidle a bit closer and exposit the fact that Kelly lived with Soprano family for a few years until her twelfth birthday. "How'd she do in school back then?" he asks, looking more paternal than we've ever seen him. "Straight A's," answers Meadow. Well then maybe Kelly would be smart enough to figure out how to break this scene up into paragraphs, because right now it's killing me.

The Kelly conversation is interrupted by the sound of honking from outside, and Carmela soon runs out there to find her parents in the driveway. Ma is laying on the horn and looking anxious. Pa is trying to lift that power-vac he borrowed in the season premiere out of the trunk. Carmela complains that they always show up hours early to these events, while Meadow cheerfully wishes her grandfather a happy birthday. Carm wants Diet Tony to help carry the vacuum, but Meadow reports that he had to step out for a while, and has left them saddled with the twins to boot. Carmela looks furious, and then we see Diet Tony cruising down the driveway in a Cadillac convertible that he could never actually afford if he were really as poor as he claims to be. Unless it was a gift from the Product Placement Fairy, of course. "What a burden," snarks Ma. "Excuse us for living." Sorry, Ma. Can't do it.

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