Sopranos
Sopranos

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765 USERS: C+
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Meadowlands

Woke up this morning, got myself a gun.

Dr. Melfi's office. Awkward silence. Pan over Tony's shoulder and up Melfi's legs to her face, which sports a strangely flirtatious look. Tony, smiling: "You gonna say something or what?" Melfi, also smiling: "It's your time." Tony looks out the window and happens to spot Hesh strolling past verrrrry slowly, and he wigs. Melfi says soothingly that "Heshie…has a three o'clock." "Heshie"? Tony dream-sequences out into the waiting room, and he sees AJ lurking behind a partly-closed door; he peeks through another door to see Silvio with his pants around his ankles, having sex with a brunette in leopard-print undies. Or something. Silvio winks elaborately at Tony, who looks confused. Elsewhere in the room, Paulie lowers his paper to glare at Tony, and we pan over to Pussy, who regards Paulie suspiciously over the top of his bifocals while smoking a cigar. Tony turns back towards Melfi, who now looks out the window with her back to him, and goes back into the office and says to the back of her head, "What the hell's goin' on?" A heartbeat thumps on the soundtrack. "Thunderstorms," says Jackie, suddenly sitting up from a hospital bed as machines beep in the background. Tony stares at him. "Smell it?" Jackie asks. "That's rain." Jackie smokes. Another Psycho-style shot of the back of Melfi's head. As Jackie's machines flatline, Tony demands of Melfi, "What're you doin' to me?" and Melfi turns around to reveal herself as Livia in a brown bobbed wig. Tony jumps back…

…and Tony wakes up in bed with a start. The Russian bimbette mutters something and rubs his shoulder, and he tells her to go back to sleep. Still breathing heavily, he swings his legs out of bed. Issues? Check.

AJ, playing a car-racing video game. Tony comes in and asks why he's still up and whether Carmela went to bed. AJ, not taking his eyes off the TV screen, asks, "Where were you?" and Tony, sporting obvious bedhead, tells him a lie about a compactor breaking down before tossing his jacket onto a chair and telling AJ to move over. He sits down on the floor next to AJ and grabs a game controller and grouses that "this thing ain't steerin' right," and AJ murmurs, "I'm kicking your butt." Tony asks, "So how things going with you?" No answer. "How's school?" Still no answer. AJ resets the game and tells his father to concentrate. Tony puts a hand over AJ's eyes, and AJ tries to wrestle free as Tony tells him, "It's called a handicap," and Tony's car passes AJ's as AJ continues to whimper "stop" and "get off," and Tony wins and tosses the controller aside and says matter-of-factly, "You lose." He gets up. "Focus through distractions. That's a lesson for you." He tells AJ to go to bed soon: "Andretti, you listening to me?" AJ gives him a small smile: "Good night, Dad." Tony goes upstairs. Father-son bonding? Check.

Sopranos