Sopranos
Meadowlands

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Meadowlands

Woke up this morning, got myself a gun.

Dr. Melfi's office. Awkward silence. Pan over Tony's shoulder and up Melfi's legs to her face, which sports a strangely flirtatious look. Tony, smiling: "You gonna say something or what?" Melfi, also smiling: "It's your time." Tony looks out the window and happens to spot Hesh strolling past verrrrry slowly, and he wigs. Melfi says soothingly that "Heshie…has a three o'clock." "Heshie"? Tony dream-sequences out into the waiting room, and he sees AJ lurking behind a partly-closed door; he peeks through another door to see Silvio with his pants around his ankles, having sex with a brunette in leopard-print undies. Or something. Silvio winks elaborately at Tony, who looks confused. Elsewhere in the room, Paulie lowers his paper to glare at Tony, and we pan over to Pussy, who regards Paulie suspiciously over the top of his bifocals while smoking a cigar. Tony turns back towards Melfi, who now looks out the window with her back to him, and goes back into the office and says to the back of her head, "What the hell's goin' on?" A heartbeat thumps on the soundtrack. "Thunderstorms," says Jackie, suddenly sitting up from a hospital bed as machines beep in the background. Tony stares at him. "Smell it?" Jackie asks. "That's rain." Jackie smokes. Another Psycho-style shot of the back of Melfi's head. As Jackie's machines flatline, Tony demands of Melfi, "What're you doin' to me?" and Melfi turns around to reveal herself as Livia in a brown bobbed wig. Tony jumps back…

…and Tony wakes up in bed with a start. The Russian bimbette mutters something and rubs his shoulder, and he tells her to go back to sleep. Still breathing heavily, he swings his legs out of bed. Issues? Check.

AJ, playing a car-racing video game. Tony comes in and asks why he's still up and whether Carmela went to bed. AJ, not taking his eyes off the TV screen, asks, "Where were you?" and Tony, sporting obvious bedhead, tells him a lie about a compactor breaking down before tossing his jacket onto a chair and telling AJ to move over. He sits down on the floor next to AJ and grabs a game controller and grouses that "this thing ain't steerin' right," and AJ murmurs, "I'm kicking your butt." Tony asks, "So how things going with you?" No answer. "How's school?" Still no answer. AJ resets the game and tells his father to concentrate. Tony puts a hand over AJ's eyes, and AJ tries to wrestle free as Tony tells him, "It's called a handicap," and Tony's car passes AJ's as AJ continues to whimper "stop" and "get off," and Tony wins and tosses the controller aside and says matter-of-factly, "You lose." He gets up. "Focus through distractions. That's a lesson for you." He tells AJ to go to bed soon: "Andretti, you listening to me?" AJ gives him a small smile: "Good night, Dad." Tony goes upstairs. Father-son bonding? Check.

Over at the hospital, Christopher comes out the automatic doors looking quite the anti-fashion non-plate in baggy shorts, t-shirt, athletic socks pulled all the way up, sneakers, a big old neck brace, and 1987-vintage sunglasses. Adriana, in skin-tight white flares, accompanies him. Christopher is worried about going out in the parking lot, Adriana assures him that nobody followed her, he bitches at her, she calls him paranoid and teases him that Tony's hiding in a nearby trash can, blah bling blah. Christopher drags her back inside and tells her all melodramatically that "it could be anybody, anytime," and Adriana points out that Christopher did give crystal meth to Tony's daughter; Christopher says he's not sure Tony knows that. Adriana whines that Christopher hurt her wrist pulling her inside. Christopher bellows, "I'm sorry. I am sorry. But I got dragged out to the Meadowlands, by my neck, mock execution!" Adriana looks sulky. "What?" Christopher demands. Nothing, she says. Christopher insists that she tell him. He doesn't want to know, she says. He says he does. Adriana reluctantly says that she heard the nurse say that Christopher "made number two in [his] pants," and ask if it's true. Christopher flinches, then shouts, "Get the car! Please. Can we just go to Brendan's, score some shit, and find out what the fuck is goin' on? Please!" Adriana takes a drag of her cigarette and looks dubious.

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Sopranos

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