Mergers & Acquisitions

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Mother should I check the mall?

Flick…ahh. You know, I often tell people that the reason I haven't quit smoking yet is that by the time I get sick from it, they'll be able to clone me new lungs. So why not enjoy a refreshing cigarette every now and then? The sad truth, however, which I can only admit to myself late at night or to thousands of anonymous internet users on a Sunday afternoon, is that I'm hopelessly addicted to the stuff. And like all addictions, be they mine with cigarettes, or Tony's with emotionally unstable brunettes, or mine again with emotionally unstable brunettes who smoke cigarettes, this one requires an enabler. And in my case that enabler is television. Nothing on this earth can make me reach for the remote with my right hand and a pack of cigarettes with my left faster than a commercial, and the only appliance in my house that gets more use than the TiVo is the ashtray that sits right next to it. So with that in mind, I present to you, the viewing public, a few key indicators you can use to determine if your own TV viewing habits are beginning to cause a problem:

Ways You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Television -- #1: You experience a sense of synergistic geek frisson simply from firing up "University" on the TiVo while simultaneously playing Grand Theft Auto III on the PC, solely because the game happens to feature the vocal talents of Joe Pantoliano while also offering significant rewards for beating and murdering prostitutes.

Joss Whedon: Here's how it is: Buffy got used up, so I formed myself a whole new galaxy of shows, just like those other guys. Some were rich and flush with ratings. Some not so much.
David Chase: What the hell are you…oh. Firefly. Riiight.
Joss Whedon: The cable giants formed an alliance, and waged war to force everyone to accept their greatness. A few idiots tried to fight it, among them myself.
David Chase: I'll just wait over here until you're finished.
Joss Whedon: A producer's goal is simple: find a crew; write some scripts; keep making shows so you're never off the air for eighteen months in a row.

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