Mergers & Acquisitions

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
Mother should I check the mall?

Ways You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Television -- #6: You think everything is a product placement, right down to the barely visible label on Tony's shirt.

Yeah. For the record, I'm really sorry if that last line sounded dirtier than I intended, especially after the "valvo" bit earlier in the recap. You know what I meant, though, right?

Anyway, now we go to Carmela, who is counting out cash at her local bank. She's investing precisely $9,900, and the broker is nice enough to inform her that he's required to tell the IRS about any transaction of $10,000 or more. "Oh, really?" wonders Carmela, before opening her notebook to reveal that she's made four other identical deposits. "I want it in something safe," she adds. "Something old economy." Because I love you people, and because I'm an inveterate researcher at heart, I did some checking with my friendly neighborhood bank compliance officer, and she assures me that anyone making obviously creative deposits like that would get reported almost immediately. I was even going to quote the relevant sections of the Bank Secrecy Act for you, but the kids in the forums beat me to the joke. Just know that I cared enough to wade through several subsections of governmental legalese for you. And also watch to see if David Chase has been doing any wading himself.

Okay, now here's what I don't understand. Tony is wandering aimlessly around the mall again, and that's the second time this episode. And no matter how many times I watch, I can't seem to find an explanation for what he's doing there. Is he ditching the FBI? Buying gifts for Valentina? Foreshadowing his death by Muzak? Seriously, does anyone know what's up with this? Email me if you do.

And then, because the mall just isn't depressing enough, Tony goes to visit Janice. She's at home, making a "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirt for Bobby, complete with iron-on pictures of his kids. Quite frankly, I'm surprised Janice even knows how to work an iron, but I suppose Joey could have taught her in the throes of a particularly kinky session. Speaking of which, Tony is actually there to question her on that very subject. "I mean, is he weird about sex?" he wonders. Janice wants to know why Tony cares, which prompts him to explain that the Mafia, much like the army, has to maintain rules about this sort thing "on account of being in combat." Of course, wouldn't that mean that Tony wouldn't be allowed to ask, and Janice wouldn't be allowed to tell? Best to not think too much about it, I guess. Janice pretends to have morals and integrity for a few seconds, and then, with no prompting at all, she simply says, "Three thousand dollars." Heh. This must have been one hell of a family when these two were growing up. Tony agrees to pay, and Janice fulfills her end of the deal by telling him that Joey "bottoms from the top." "I don't even know what means," replies Tony. Ahh, but I do. Janice goes on to provide some additional detail, but my automatic internal censors kicked in after I heard the word "strap-on." When I woke up, she was telling Tony that Joey had no interest whatsoever in regular sex.

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