Mergers & Acquisitions

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
Mother should I check the mall?

Maison de Soprano. Oh, man. You can say what you want about the Soprano sense of style, but I really, really want that home theater system Tony has just bought. It's the perfect gift for the televisually obsessed. And, you know, Chanukah is coming up pretty soon. I'm just saying. As a salesman who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Jackie Aprile Sr. demonstrates all the unit's features, we're treated to the not-at-all foreshadowing scene of Harrison Ford leaping willingly to his ostensible death in The Fugitive. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "not-at-all"? I meant "completely." My bad. They run through a variety of DMX music channels, and for some reason decide to stop on a station blaring bagpipe music. Tony's delighted "whoa" at hearing the bass thumps could almost give Keanu a run for his money. Carmela sneaks up behind them to tell Tony that she's going to the grocery store, and that she'll pick up a copy of In The Bedroom for them to watch later that evening. The awesome, ear-splitting power of the bagpipes causes Tony reply to this by asking, "What time should I wake you up?" Heh. Finally they get things sorted out, and Tony settles down to enjoy a nice evening of bagpipes and cigar smoke.

Ways You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Television -- #3: You realize that Tony's new remote is the same one that the Osbournes have, and you're disappointed that David Chase didn't go for the contemporary pop culture reference by including a scene where AJ teaches Tony how to use it.

Cut to later, as Tony is sleeping in front of the TV while Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" blares on the speakers. What, no Wizard of Oz? That's two references in a row they've missed. Hmm. Tony finally rises from his stupor and flips the unit back over the TV input, where we once again get a scene from The Fugitive. As only about fifteen minutes have elapsed in the movie since the last time we were watching, this means that Tony has either finally joined the TiVolution himself, or else he's watching a certain cable network with a fondness for running the same movie seventeen times a day. And while we're picking nits, what's up with this show's obsession with the entire Pantoliano oeuvre? They've already done The Matrix, now we're getting The Fugitive, and technically speaking, Joey really actually was Guido The Killer Pimp in "University." Hell, you could even make the argument that the lesbian Icelandic stewardesses and gratuitous ass shot in the season premiere were secretly a subtle shout-out to Bound. I'm beginning to think someone on the writing staff over there has themselves a print-out of Joey's IMDb page, and they ain't gonna stop 'til they get to The Goonies. Anyway, now that the length of this paragraph is completely out of proportion to the importance of the scene it's recapping, I'll just wrap things up by telling you that Tony pulls out Valentina's card and decides to give her a call.

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