Sopranos
Mergers & Acquisitions

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Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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Mother should I check the mall?

The next day, Tony and Valentina go to meet the horse painter she recommended. For the record, this guy is no Degas, baby. I've seen better work at a Bob Ross fan-club meeting. Tony seems to like it, however, and he hands over a picture of himself, Joey, and Pie-O-My, with instructions to crop Joey out of the finished product. Ooh. Now that's just rude. Painter Guy quotes him a price of $6,500, and after ensuring that the frame is included and determining that Valentina thinks it's a good deal, Tony accepts. He pulls out a wad of cash and pays on the spot, which leaves Painter Guy a bit discombobulated. "I'd, uh, better get you a receipt," he says, taking the opportunity to leave Tony and Valentina alone. Tony proposes a toast "the beautiful señorita whose idea this was in the first place." "I bet you say that to all the girls," replies Valentina coquettishly. They banter a bit more, and Valentina suggests that they stop on the way back to get something to eat. "Yeah, we could definitely stop," answers Tony with a knowing smile. Damn. You know why women find Tony attractive? It's pure, unadulterated (bad choice of words here. Sorry.) confidence. From the moment he made that toast, it never even crossed his mind that these two weren't going to end up in bed. And Gandolfini did a perfect job playing it on just the right side of arrogance. Hell, I'm starting to find the guy sexy myself.

Of course, that thought gets quickly dispelled when Leslie Vega's naked breasts come bouncing into the frame. After an only mildly gratuitous sex scene, Tony hops up to use the bathroom, and Valentina pulls on his black dress shirt and sits down to eat lunch. She's really only wearing the shirt for plot-related reasons that will soon become apparent, but she does look damn good in it. At least Sorkin got that one right. While Tony is still in the bathroom, she surreptitiously unscrews the lid on the salt shaker. Oh, yeah. That one never gets old. When he emerges to join her, she predictably encourages him to put salt on his meal, and then giggles wildly at the result. Tony doesn't laugh, but he's also not real angry either, especially after Valentina announces that she won't kiss him because she's eating, and then proceeds to tongue a strawberry in a highly erotic fashion. While she's busy performing fruit fellatio, Tony grabs up her plate and dashes over to hold it outside the window. Remember how playful he is here. It'll be important later. And I guess they weren't all that hungry, because Tony drops the food, and scoops Valentina up in one arm so they can jump on the bed. She loses one of her overly decorative fingernails in the process, which will also be important later, and then Tony solemnly makes her promise that they'll never say anything about this to Joey.

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Sopranos

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