Once again, Tony is back at the mall. This time he's at a jewelry shop, buying a diamond horseshoe for Valentina. He fills out a card, but at the last minute decides to change it from, "It was great while it lasted. Love, Tony" to, "It was great while it lasted. Sincerely, Tony." You know, because sending expensive jewelry to break up with someone is confusing enough without including a mixed message on the card.
Green Grove. It's Casino Night, and Mama Walnuts is agonizing over whether or not she should hit on a hard eighteen while playing blackjack. In anticipation of an upcoming trip to Las Vegas, I've actually entered all the statistical probability charts for this game into my Palm Pilot, which means I can tell you that there's only a 2.5 percent chance that hitting here is a good idea. Yes, I do know I'm a nerd. Why do you ask? In any case, she does decide to take a card, and receives a six for her troubles. Cookie, meanwhile, is furious because she had fifteen, and could have used that six to make twenty-one. "I'm not sure you understand the fine points," snarks Cookie, before suggesting that Mama Walnuts try roulette instead. Looking dejected, Mama Walnuts takes her cane and her own white-streaked hair over to another table.
Casa de Soprano. Tony brushes his teeth at the sink; Carmela is in the shower behind him, singing along with her mental Furio Fantasy Dance Mix. Still feeling playful, Tony grabs a glass of cold water and tosses it into the shower to douse his wife. She responds by shrieking, then taking an excessively long time to wrap herself in a towel that she has IN THE SHOWER with her, just so we won't see her naked boobies. And while some people have said that this was intended to be yet another example of show's madonna/whore complex, I personally think it has more to do with the Established Emmy-Winner/Washed-Up Sitcom Star complex myself. Anyway, Carmela is furious, and reminds Tony that he did the same exact thing on their honeymoon, where she made him promise never to do it again. And instead of gleefully reminiscing about their younger, happier days together, she further insists that "this is one promise [she'd] like [him] to keep." Stung by her anger, Tony musters up a hurt-sounding, "Whatever," then leaves Carmela alone with her guilt in the bathroom.
Here's a sight I bet you never thought you'd see: Paulie in the high school principal's office. Although he does seem pretty comfortable, so I guess it's a safe bet he's been there before. He's actually there to visit Cookie's son Chucky, whom he refers to as a "pizza-faced son of a son of a gun." Yeah. I don't know what that means either. They head back into Chucky's office, where Paulie offers him a gift of luggage. Yes, that's right. Luggage. And it's not even good luggage. It's one of those cheesy, fake-Samsonite overnight bags. Chucky is reluctant to accept, but Paulie insists. After some awkward silence, a plug for Lasik eye surgery, and a reminder that Paulie is proud of the fact that he never made it past the ninth grade, we finally get down to business. It seems that all is not well at Green Grove, and Mama Walnuts has been feeling like a bit of an outsider. "There seems to be an exclusion," explains Paulie. "I don't blame your mother. I blame that Minnie Matrone. She's a malignant cunt." Bwa! "All I'm trying to do is pay my ma back for when I was a kid and got in so much trouble," continues Paulie. "For all the bad I did, and I'm still capable if I don't watch myself, she always had my back." Realizing the implicit threat, Chucky wisely offers to do whatever he can, and Paulie leaves with a smile.