Paulie continues his philosophical ramblings with a trenchant social criticism about the extreme gender differences in public restroom facilities. While men's rooms are often dirty and disheveled, you could "eat maple walnut ice-cream from the toilets" of your average ladies room. I'm so gonna have to try that sometime. Keep checking The Smoking Gun, as I'm sure the report of my arrest for lewd behavior will be showing up soon. He goes on and on, and while I love Paulie with the fire of a thousand suns, there's only so many times I can hear the phrase "dragging your laces through urine" before I have to turn off the TV and start spraying Lysol on all my footwear.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, or maybe the ranch-style Soprano compound, the Feds begin their entry. They cut the various phone and alarm wires, and then the head agent utters the immortal line, "Pick it, Wilson." I don't know whether to laugh or wince. Laugh, I think.
Back at the lunch meeting, Tony tries to engage Patsy Parisi in conversation. Apparently, it's his birthday, and he reminds them that it would have been his brother's as well. His brother being, of course, Philly Parisi, whom Tony had killed in the premiere last year. Incidentally, the hit was performed by Profaci, err, Gigi Cestone, whom I mistakenly identified as Thug #1. That's my bad, but with a cast this big and, well, ethnic, I'm having trouble keeping everyone straight. If they were all named Goldstein or Weinberger it'd be a lot easier. Tony reminisces that Philly's friends used to call him "Spoons." Except, of course, when they referred to him as "Junior's Piss Boy." Parisi, by the way, looks like a bucket of shit. He's clearly torn up by his brother's death. Despite Tony's repeated attempts to change the subject, the rest of the crew keeps asking about what it's like to be a twin. Tony finally tells him to "leave the morbid shit back at Junior's crew and have a happy birthday." Parisi cheers up a bit, and Tony tells him he can always commit suicide by tying his shoes and eating.
Carmela and Adriana are playing tennis. The Feds are out in the parking lot, watching with binoculars. When one gets a load of Adriana in her skimpy tennis outfit, he exclaims, "How green was my fucking valley!" I don't know what that means exactly, but heh. The tennis pro comes over, and Carmela gets all flirty. Unfortunately, he tells her that he's moving to San Diego because his wife got a "dot-com job." Carmela is sad to learn that he's leaving, and you can actually see her secret crush die when he mentions the wife. Okay, so maybe this is as close as we'll get to Father Intintola this week. "I didn't even know you were married," she says. So, let me get this straight -- she'll only fantasize about cheating on her husband with unmarried men? Maybe Carmela should be the one in therapy. Secret Crush Boy introduces the new, female tennis pro, and the Feds take the opportunity to leer at Adriana's ass.