No Show

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
It's Only Puke & Coal (But I Like It)

This week's contribution from The HBO Department Of Creatively Selected Video Symbolism is a clip from Everybody Loves Raymond about couples who don't need to talk to each other. So, of course, the Ironic Segue Fairy cuts us from there to Chris and Adriana, who will probably have quite a bit to talk about before this episode is over. Chris is still depressed that Tony mistreats him occasionally, and he's decided to use that as an excuse to get high again, even though he promised to quit. "This is my goodbye party with heroin," he explains, repeating the famous last words of just about every drug addict on the planet. Adriana makes a completely nonsensical statement about something Lola said regarding sending food to poor countries, but all it really does is serve as a conversational bridge to allow Christopher to expound on what he thinks Lola's "problem" is. It's misdirection time again, and we slowly build up to just the point when you think Chris is going to reveal that he knows she's an undercover agent. And then he spoils it by saying, "She's a dyke." Well, at least we got a laugh out of it. Adriana looks shocked by this allegation, but does start to consider it as the scene ends.

Cut to the next day, with Christopher berating Patsy and Little Paulie in the pizza shop. He parrots Tony's words about using their heads and quarter-billion-dollar jobs as he lectures them about stealing the fiber-optic cable. Patsy insists that the whole thing was Christopher's idea in the first place, because he gave Patsy "a look" when he mentioned it. Little Paulie's outfit in this scene truly has to be seen to be believed, so if you don't have the episode on tape, just drive out to any random golf course in South Florida, find the oldest guy there wearing polyester, and imagine what that would look like on a guy half his age. In lime green.

Chez Soprano. Tony, Carmela, and Meadow sit around the dining room table and discuss her plans to go to Europe. In an effort to make what has largely been a fairly boring recap up to this point more exciting, I've decided to transcribe this scene as I heard it in my head, rather than as it actually appeared on screen. Think of it as Aaron-O-Vision, if you like: Shut up, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. No, you can't go to Europe, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. You can't support yourself working on a student film in Denmark, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. We don't care that the director got "an honorable mention at the Winnipeg film festival," Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. That line was still pretty funny though, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Jackie Jr. wasn't lying in a pool of his own blood, Meadow. Check the tape; the prop guys screwed that scene up, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Nice job fading out the sound during Tony's close-up, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Tony: Fine, go to Europe, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. Something about the French and their balls, Meadow. Shut up, Meadow. (∑ SuM = 24).

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