John Ritter: Damn. How the hell do you put up with that girl?
David Chase: It's actually easier than you might think. Don't forget, my own kid is Hunter Scangarelo.
John Ritter: I guess. Daughters are just hard, you know?
David Chase: Tell me about it.
John Ritter: Things would be so much easier if only there were some sort of simple compendium with a few critical guidelines for dealing with wayward female adolescents.
David Chase: You mean, like, eight simple rules for dealing with your teenage daughter?
John Ritter: Well, sort of. But, dude! That's a horrible fucking title. I thought you were supposed to be some big-shot writer-man or something?
Upstairs, Carmela and Tony argue about his sudden change of heart. Carm clearly doesn't want her baby straying far from the nest, but Tony thinks she might at least get the chance to meet a nice Italian boy. You know, like Furio. Heh. Carmela's response to that is confused silence for a moment, but then she gathers herself together enough to suggest once again that they send Meadow to see Dr. Melfi's referral. "Maybe she can explain to Meadow how dropping out now is not going to look good to all those medical schools," she suggests, and it suddenly occurs to me that, given this show's history with Meadow-centric episodes, "Medical School" should really have been this week's title. Unless David Chase can come up with another synonym for "college," that is. On the other hand, "No Show" actually is a pretty good synonym for my own college experience, so maybe I should just shut up.
Cut to a new psychiatrist's office, where Meadow is curled up on a couch across from a newly blonde Linda Lavin, who is also curled up on a couch. Meadow is relating the story of the Little Lord's funeral, and all the "egregious, saccharine Italian ballads" everyone was listening to. Hmm. Something tells me Dominic Chianese won't be putting that quote on the back of his new album any time soon. Linda plays this character as smarmily as is humanly possible, and rapidly moves from probing Meadow about possibly being bulimic to probing her about her father's occupation. Meadow stammers around a bit, but finally does comes out and admits that "Dad" is in the mafia. Of course, she also then repeats Tony's oft-stated claim that "there's no such thing as the mafia," so who knows what's up with that. It's already been noted on the forums that Dr. Linda violates just about every tenet of good diagnostic behavior here in this scene, so I won't harp on the details. I will say, however, that Meadow looks kind of cute when she's crying. It's probably just because her mouth is closed, but still. They discuss Jackie's death some more, and Meadow is fairly adamant in maintaining that "Dad" was a "positive force" in Jackie Jr.'s life. "I'm going to ask you a question about Dad," says Dr. Linda, in a way that clearly indicates she totally wants the answer to be yes. "Did Dad ever molest you? Did he ever, you know, kiss your grits, so to speak?" Meadow insists that he didn't, and gets even more disgusted when Linda suggests that Mom might have done it. Unable to conceal her disappointment at this lack of scandal, Dr. Linda quickly changes the subject back to Columbia, and proceeds to finish out the appointment by telling Meadow exactly what she wants to hear. She even suggests that Meadow take a few classes at the University of Barcelona, for which she's a consultant. Oy. Since not even the professionals seem to be able to say it this week, I'll have to do it for them: Shut up, Meadow.