Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 548 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Wild Horses Actually Can Drag Him Away

Bobby's house. Janice is organizing a Tupperware party on the kitchen table. Or maybe she's just cleaning out all the casseroles from the fridge. Either way, Bobby comes in and they make some small talk about him and Uncle Junior. Janice is delighted when Bobby suggests they go out to dinner, but then crushed just as quickly when he shoots down her suggestion of Vesuvio because the kids like Chinese food. "Uh, MSG," replies Janice. "I collapsed one time in the Hunan Palace. Complete blackout." She is good, I'll give her that. Instead of going out, she opens the freezer and suggests that they eat Mrs. Bobby's ziti instead. Ooh, that's cold. And not just because it's been in the freezer for three weeks. "I'm not ready to eat that yet," says Bobby. The scene ends with a shot of him, and I can't tell if the look on his face means that he will be ready to eat it soon, or if he knows that she's playing him and he never will be.

Crazy Horse, Part The Third. This time it's Tony and Joey Pants in the office, having yet another nonsensical conversation that takes place here only to further Adriana's dramatic tension. Once business is dispensed with, Tony asks about Pie-O-My. Only he calls her "our girl," using a possessive pronoun that Joey immediately picks up on. An oblivious Tony suggests that they switch the horse over to titanium shoes, and Joey readily agrees, presumably because he's already counting the revenue from the inevitable Nike Titanium product placement.

Later that night, Joey is in bed with the hoor du jour, or whoever he's gotten to handle the pegging duties now that Janice and Rosalie are out of the picture. Heh. If you say "pegging duties" out loud, it's a lot funnier than I meant it to be. If you're twelve, that is. And I am. His phone rings, and I'm more than a little disappointed that it's the land line instead of his cellular. I wanted to hear Rocky again. It's his maid on the phone, but Joey makes the hoor take a message. Or at least try to, because the maid is frantically explaining in broken English that the horse is sick, and the vet won't do anything because Joey hasn't paid his bill. Faced with the possibility of having to get out of bed and go down to the track on a rainy night, Joey instead orders her to call some other phone number. Then he pulls out the amyl nitrate and a Hello Kitty vibrator, and things really get ugly. Or maybe I just imagined that.

Sopranos

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