Pine Barrens

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pine Barrens

Out on the Jersey Turnpike, Tony and Bobby are headed south. Bobby explains that he used to go hunting with his late dad every year, and that's how he knows so much about the woods. Tony apologizes for laughing, and Bobby accepts, and it is nice to see these two interacting on a more personal level. Bobby then spoils the mood by telling a joke (involving the phrase "bear left") that's so bad that I'm afraid to repeat it here, because this week's recap will likely lose whatever meager measure of humor it's managed to accumulate. Tony ignores the joke, and lets Bobby know how much he appreciates that he takes care of Uncle Junior. "He really loves you, you know," says Bobby, but Tony doesn't believe it. "I know you've had your problems sometimes," says Bobby wistfully, "but sometimes I wish he was my uncle." Aww. Bobby is so totally the sweet ying to Furio's sassy yang, and I love him for it.

Snow-van. Christopher wakes up, and apparently he and Paulie are REALLY cold and tired, because they start quoting old Spin Doctors songs. "What time is it?" asks Christopher, and Paulie answers, "4:30." Does anybody but me even remember the Spin Doctors? 1992 never seemed so long ago. Christopher then switches to quoting Dumb & Dumber when he notices that Paulie has had Tic-Tacs all along without sharing. Then he climbs out of the van to grab some of the potentially poisonous berries.

Back at the roundabout, Tony and Bobby arrive, but Paulie's Caddy is gone. Bobby, who's got a portable searchlight, scans the woods around them while Tony calls Paulie on his cell phone. They can't hear each other at all this time, though, and Paulie sums up this week's cell phone story arc by beating the phone against the dashboard and screaming, "Cocksucker motherfucker!" Chris comes back over and asks if that was Tony on the phone. Then he unzips and starts pissing right outside Paulie's door. "Do that by your own window," shouts Paulie. "I don't want to smell your piss." Or get it on his shoelaces, for that matter. Of course, if this really were Dumb & Dumber, he'd be happy about how warm it was. Then again, the whole Paulie/Christopher relationship could be categorized as Dumb & Dumber, so what do I know? Chris refuses to move, and Paulie gets angry. "Don't make me pull rank on you, kid." Christopher couldn't care less: "Captain or no captain, right now we're just two assholes lost in the woods." Paulie tells him to shut up and go back to sleep. "Why, so you can choke me?" answers Christopher, "I heard you on the phone, trying to blame this shit on me. You fucked up with the Russian, and now you're worried about Tony. You wait 'til I'm asleep, and then you choke me so he’ll just have your version." At the time I didn't think Paulie would ever actually go that far, but by the end of the episode, I think he was prepared to do just that. Paulie gets out of the van and actually does start choking Chris, who immediately draws his gun and points it at Paulie's head, saying, "I'll leave you here, you one-shoe cocksucker. You know how fast I can run." Paulie tries to calm him, saying, "With all the shit we've been through, you really think I'd try to kill you?" Just like I did last week, Chris answers, "Yes. Yes I do." Then he starts giggling like a schoolgirl, and walks away. He promises not to leave Paulie behind, but he can't stop laughing, and Paulie doesn't seem to know what to make of all this.

Over at Tony's car, he's pounding on the horn and yelling for the boys. Bobby suggests that they wait until light and then head into the woods, and an obviously cold Tony immediately climbs back into his truck.

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