Ronald Reagan: Good morning, Mr. Chase. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be the apprehension and termination of a mysterious Soviet operative known only as "The Drunk Guy." As always, should you or any member of your staff be killed, captured, or responsible for a sub-par episode, the AOL Time Warner corporate secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This recap will self-destruct in five seconds.
David Chase: I don't know…that last part's a little harsh, don't you think? I mean, couldn't you at least try to get used to the new layout before you start blowing shit up?
Mikhail Gorbachev: Do not be worrying, David. The bourgeois oppressors and their capitalist lap-dog lackeys will never dim the glory that is Marx-Brezhnev TV. It is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world -- it is the opium of the people.
David Chase: You guys don't get out much, do you?
Ronald Reagan: Nancy won't even let me watch TV anymore. Thank God for the West Wing recaps, is all I'm sayin'.
Cut to what I'll assume is a local posh hotel (the Sherry Netherlands? Or perhaps the Myndi Madagascar?). Gloria is on the bed, draped strategically with a sheet, while a fully-dressed Tony opens a card with a couple of ewes and the legend "I'm feeling very sheepish" on the front. She apologizes for answering his phone the other day, but not for her psycho rant, and Tony unwraps his replacement gift. It's a brown and white striped piece of cloth, and while I believe the correct term for that sort of garment is a caftan, I'm just going to go ahead and call a robe a robe. He's not wearing it yet, though, so it doesn't count for StR. Tony claims to feel like a jerk, because he's "got nothing for [her]." "Of course you do," she replies, and we do a quick cutaway to Paulie and Christopher pulling up to a Turnpike rest stop somewhere. No Mike Tyson in sight, though. Cut back to Tony and Gloria, engaged in a full-on HBO-only love scene until Tony's cell phone rings. He extricates himself from the bed, and moves into the bathroom to answer. While he flushes the toilet to foil any potential listeners (including, one would assume, both Gloria and the FBI, since they are NOT the same thing), Paulie explains that they had a little problem with Drunk Guy. Tony is furious, especially because he's meeting Slava (a.k.a. Joey Stalin) later in the day. Paulie claims to have had no choice in the matter (yeah, right), and Tony vehemently orders him to resolve the problem without involving him. Returning to the bedroom, Tony tries to pass off the call as "work shit" this time, but Gloria isn't buying that either. She's already getting dressed, but she does suggest dinner at her place that night. She'll even make London Broil. Mmm…meat.