Sopranos
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These Boobs Were Made For Whacking

It is a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, the damp and aromatic gloom of the suburban New Jersey wastelands is punctured by the pale glow of the tungsten headlights on a nondescript, late-model American sedan. Contrary to popular urban legend, no slightly-scratched metallic hook can be seen hanging from its door handle, and contrary to this recapper's all too frequently unrequited hopes, no nubile teen cheerleader can be found inside, anxious to bare her breasts and surrender her virginity before falling victim to a rabid dog or a guy with spikes on his fingers or even just some dude named Bob. Instead we get Special Agent RICO Suave and his unnamed FBI accomplice, watching through the rain as a dark, mysterious figure in a hooded jacket carries a bulky item (wrapped in plastic!) into a random diner. For the record, said dark, mysterious figure doesn't appear to have a hook, either.

Inside the diner, Tony is waiting, and he greets our mysterious figure by identifying him as one "Black" Jack Masserone. Mr. Masserone is not, in fact, black, nor is he made of aces and face cards, so one can only assume that this is a clever (if mildly offensive) reference to the events which transpired when first we met the man. A flushed Mr. "Black" Jack then goes straight to using his dead man's hand to unwrap the plastic around the kingly gift he's brought for Tony, thereby revealing a cheesy painting of Frank, Dean, and Sammy that will eventually flop into a river because of his decision to turn. Whoops. Sorry. I'm betting out of order here. For now, all you need to know is that Tony loves the painting, even though he's not normally a fan of "modern art." Jack then joins Tony in the booth, and much pointless chit-chat is exchanged. "You know, we're finally going to cut the ribbon for the museum on the 22nd," reveals Jack, while pointing out the "Museum Of Science and Trucking" hat he's got perched so high up on his head that it actually looks like you could fit Trump's hair under there. Yeah, that's not suspicious or anything. It's also a bit of a shame that they couldn't see fit to name the place the "Museum of Industry, Science, and Trucking," because if there's one thing I've learned from recapping HBO, it's that you can never have too many jokes about things that are damp and aromatic.

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Sopranos

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