Sopranos
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Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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These Boobs Were Made For Whacking

Tony, meanwhile, is still drunk. And still staring at the painting. He picks up his cell phone (I'll give you one guess what the brand is) and dials a number.

Cut to Auntie Q's basement, where we learn that Stevie's ring tone is "We Are The Champions." Hey, I'm just glad it's not "99 Luftballons." He's sleeping, because it's 3 in the morning, and he's more than a little bewildered as to why Tony is calling. Tony gently (and drunkenly) explains that Steve's boss at the dry-cleaner is not a happy camper. "I rub him the wrong way," explains Steve. "Then maybe you shouldn't be a masseuse," replies Tony. Rim-shot! Tony then segues into a non-apology apology, by telling Steve that it's okay for them to kid around, but not in front of the other guys, because Tony needs to maintain respect. Then he gives his cousin a quick lesson in communications discipline, because Steve accidentally refers to him as "the boss." Things settle down a bit after that, and they actually enjoy the sort of honest conversation you'd expect to childhood friends to have. Tony talks about his problems with Carmela, and Steve assures him that he's always available, whenever Tony needs to talk. Except for right now, that is, because Steve has to be up in two hours. Their friendship reaffirmed, both boys hang up feeling better.

Tony switches on the TV, but then decides to get ready for bed. He heads up to the bathroom and washes his face, and then pulls off his t-shirt to check out his gut. Damn. That's kind of scary. In fact, I'd almost rather be watching Janice have sex. And it can't be a coincidence that we've had significantly fewer women expressing their love for the guy in the forums this year. I wonder how Tony would do on Average Joe? In any event, he jiggles his fat rolls a bit, and looks pretty unhappy when he checks out his man-boobs in the mirror.

And now for the concluding montage portion of our program. First up is Tony's car, pulling over to the side of the road on a bridge somewhere. He rolls down the window, and we see Masserone's painting come flying out and go tumbling into the water below.

From there, we cut to the trunk of a car parked near the airport, where the FBI is photographing Masserone's corpse. His hands are bound, and he's been shot in the forehead, and he's also got what looks like a golf club cover stuffed in his mouth. I know that's the international symbol for a rat, but still. A golf club cover? I guess it's just because he had the clubs right there in the trunk. Christopher must be getting lazy. It's the five iron, by the way, if you care.

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Sopranos

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