Sopranos
Rat Pack

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Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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These Boobs Were Made For Whacking

FBI headquarters. Or at least I'm assuming it's FBI headquarters, because there are a lot of FBI agents there. It is, however, a completely different set from the last time we were here. In one of the back rooms, Ray Curto is meeting with Agent RICO Suave to help transcribe some of the dialogue he recorded while wearing a wire. Yes, you read that right. After two full seasons of nothing, they've finally addressed Ray the Rat. Halle-fucking-lujah! And I'm totally taking that as a shout-out, because I've bitched about Ray like no one else on this Earth, and also because HE'S TRANSCRIBING FUCKING DIALOGUE. I mean, come on! That's what I do, right? The dialogue in question comes from Tony's famous capo conference in the Season 4 premiere. Much to my utter dismay, however, they don't play the tape long enough to hear Silvio deliver his all-time classic line naming the only two recession-proof industries: "Certain aspects of show business, and our thing." Hee! They do, however, take great pains to make sure they correctly transcribe "crack fucking heads" instead of "crack fucking legs." I can't even count how many times I've made that mistake.

In another office, Agent Not Nicknamed At The Moment and Agent L-O-L-A-Lola watch footage from a surveillance camera that they've had surreptitiously mounted outside the Crazy Horse. In what I'm taking as yet another shout-out to my incessant bitching, Agent Still Not Nicknamed Yet goes out of her way to point out Paulie's magically reappearing car arriving in the parking lot. Interestingly, there's a line here in the closed captioning that must have gotten edited out, because Agent Lola is supposed to say something about a Chevy with Rhode Island plates. I seriously hope that means we'll be seeing the Atwell Boys again, but somehow I doubt it. Heck, I'm surprised we even saw Agent Lola again, considering that she ran off with Joey Pants to go work undercover in a different field office. I guess they must have figured that recasting with Fairuza Balk would be too confusing.

In yet another room in this vast warren of truth, justice, and skinny, coffee-stained neckties, that boss agent that I always incorrectly think is played by Sydney Pollack is meeting with a few of his colleagues to listen to the take from Masserone's hat wire. Hmm. Do you think "hat wire" is the official technical term for those? In any event, the US Attorney, who is also present, seems much more concerned with investigating the jury tampering that occurred in Uncle Junior's trial last season. Oh, God. Please, no. That was the most boring sub-plot ever, and if David Chase actually thinks listening to the whole damn thing again like a televised book-on-tape is going liven things up, then we've got a serious problem here. Mr. Attorney, however, is convinced that it won't matter how many tapes they have on Tony if he can just subvert the jury whenever they bring him to trial. He orders Not Sydney and RICO Suave to start investigating the jurors, and I find it extremely odd that a show that loves to wallow in irony and the idea that no man is a saint would ever allow an FBI agent to say, with complete and utter sincerity, "You know we don't like to dig into some citizen." Uh huh. Whatever. Does David Chase have some sort of federal indictment he's trying to get out from under? Did he maybe get a parking ticket at the Smithsonian, or something? Because that line is just the first of many blowjobs the FBI will be receiving tonight (no word on whether they're being given by tiny hookers from Newark, however), and it just seemed totally out of place. And also really badly dubbed, but that's a different story. Once the attorney is gone, Agent Not Sydney helpfully exposits that losing the Junior trial cost the guy a six-figure salary in private practice, so he's not going to let the matter drop until he wins. Or bores everyone to death trying.

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Sopranos

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