Second Opinion

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
Answer: Life, the universe, and everything

Carmela and Dean Ross stand at the bar of a posh NY eatery. The Dean oh-so-casually leans over to order in Italian, and then lets it slip that his family name is actually "Rossetti" and that he's a product of the New Jersey public-school system just like Carmela. I so know better than to make a crack about that one, people. Those size nines hurt. ["Don't look at me, I went to private school. Jersey public schools are allegedly pretty good, though." -- Sars] They trade alma maters (him Rutgers, her Montclair State, whence my cousin graduated). Dean Ross makes a toast to Meadow, and Carmela's eyes literally go wide with delight. He heaps even more praise (or, as I like to call it, "steaming piles of bullshit") on Meadow, but warns Carmela not to tell her, because "we don't want her overconfident." Even Carmela spots the irony in that one. She expresses relief that Meadow is adjusting well, especially since "she seems to sleep a lot." "They all do," sighs the Dean. I guess they don't work for MBTV, then.

Cut to Tony, striding across a suburban New Jersey lawn with a baseball bat in hand. When he reaches the Cadillac parked in the driveway, he smashes in the driver's side window and lays on the horn. A shocked Angie Bonpensiero runs out, and Tony lays down the law. Calmly, though, because he's "been working on [his] anger." He explains that he had originally planned to just ask her nicely not to spill her money troubles to Carmela, but when he saw the Caddy in the driveway, "it shot the whole plan." He gives it a few more whacks, and then steps back over and once again blames the whole sad situation on Pussy. The jokes are just too easy, people, so I'm not even gonna bother. As Angie looks on in terror, the fluffy, French Coco piece of shit (who HBO's official site describes as being "osteoporotic") hops out of her arms and starts sniffing around Tony. She anxiously tries to pull him away, apologizing all the while, but Tony is genuinely warm and friendly with the dog. He tells Angie to think twice before asking for more money again, and once he's sure his message has been received, he turns and walks peacefully away.

Back at the restaurant, Dean Ross goes on and on about all the quality family time he spends with the wife and kids. Carmela needs more wine. The Dean then launches straight into his sales pitch. He wants $50,000 for the new student center, and based on the Soprano's previous donations to Meadow's high school, he thinks they'd be interested. Carmela gladly accepts an information packet, but says she'll have to talk it over with her husband before she can commit. Cut to her doing just that while Tony gets ready for bed. "Fifty grand? You gotta be kidding me," he says. "This Jew prick is holding her hostage." When she informs him that Dean Ross is Italian, he amends his statement to "Jews with better food," and that HAS to be a Passover reference, because anything would be better than eating matzoh. For eight days straight. Although I do have to admit that while they possess neither the forbidden allure nor the whimsical potential for humor inherent in free meat, free peanuts are still damn tasty. Anyway, Tony won't go any higher than $5,000, which Carmela describes as "a slap in the face to these people." In a (purely metaphorical) slap to Carmela's face, Tony pulls five grand in cash out of his pants pocket and tosses it on the bed. And here I thought the Jews were supposed to have all the money.

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