Or rather, the soon-to-be (except not really) massage ghageh. Diet Tony is showing Extra Flabby Tony around his new storefront, which looks like it was still a travel agency until about ten minutes before this scene was filmed, at which point a large tornado must have swept through the premises. Just as a point of protocol, by the way, I'll henceforth be referring to Tony B. as "Steve Buscemi" in scenes that feature both Tonys, because otherwise my brain hurts. Anyway, Tony notes the dog grooming place next door, which he thinks will be convenient if any of the Kims want to pop out for a snack. Steve explains that some Koreans (although not the Kims) really do eat dogs, but then segues into providing a layout of what the new place will look like. He plans a handful of "theme" rooms, including an Asian one for Shiatsu (giving Brenda a perfect spot for the next "Why Can't We Be Friends" ad), and a Danish one for "Rolfing, even though technically it's Swedish." He also reveals that he knows Tony is disappointed in his decision to go straight, to which Tony does not reply. Steve then moves to the front of the space, announcing that he plans to put in an "oasis," which could feature a fountain with koi in it. Happy to have a way to help out, Tony promises to provide the koi. "Really?" asks Stevie B. "Giant carp? How the fuck can you get that?" How the fuck indeed, my friend? What exactly do you think Tony's carp connection is, anyway? He doesn't really strike me as the gefilte fish type, and I think it's certainly safe to say that he won't be getting them from Cop Roc over at Fountains of Wayne. In any event, they're soon interrupted by the arrival of the Kim daughter, who is almost, but not quite, as attractive as the Kim recapper. Tony introduces her to Tony (see what I mean?), and then Chris comes in, cracking yet another "Koreans eat dogs" joke. He changes his tune pretty quickly when he spots the daughter, however. Heh. Lil' Kim tells Buscemi that she met some guy in a club who can hook them up with all the "herbal shit" they need. No, not that kind, you freaks. She means "ginseng, fake rhino, and nerve tea," and she thinks it would be a good idea to sell it up front by the "koi thing." "Koi is taken care of," says Tony, coyly. Lil' Kim turns to leave, and everyone (including the cameraman) stares at her ass as she walks away. To be fair, she does have a pretty nice two-inch radius. "What's she here for?" asks Tony. "Happy endings?" Oh, God. Please no. Steve explains her connection to the Kims, and then Chris asks him to put in a good word, because he's interested in getting "some of that Kung Pao coochie." Insert your own disgusting "peanuts and hot sauce" joke here.
Episode Report CardAaron: B | 589 USERS: C+
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