While Tony is drinking and ogling the strippers, Carmela and Bob are out for another fancy dinner. She tries to feed him some dessert, but he's not ready, and it ends up smeared all over his face. Then they both turn onto cartoon dogs and start slurping on opposite ends of a spaghetti noodle.
The next day, Carmela is back in her own kitchen, peeling a zucchini. Or a cucumber or a squash or some okra or maybe a gourd of some kind. Whatever. I don't know much about vegetables, but I do know a hilarious castration joke when I see one. So, ha! And also, ow. We pan over to see Tony arriving, and he stands just in the entrance to the kitchen, with his face obscured by the portentous shadows of, well, foreshadowing. Carmela gives a start when she sees him, and then Tony steps all the way into the room and hands over an essay paper that AJ left back at Livia's. "Did you even look at this?" she wonders, as she checks the name on the front of the paper. "Who the hell is Anne Dunham?" Well, Carm, it seems "Anne Dunham" was an expert on Lord of the Flies who wrote an A+ paper three years ago. I'm assuming that means she put something about the boys wearing robes right up in the first paragraph. Tony laughs silently when he realizes what AJ has been up to, and then he pulls those aluminum foil-wrapped leftovers out of the fridge and wonders aloud when Carmela started eating duck. Mom, however, is more interested in complaining about the fact that their son is a cheater. I'm shocked, I tell you. Shocked! So is Tony, but he's more surprised by the fact that AJ would pay for a term paper when he's always "so tight with money."
The phone rings before this conversation can continue, and just in case you've never watched television before, I'll tell you that the caller is Bob, and that he's elected to open the conversation with some sexually inappropriate dialogue. Bob's a bit of a bore, though, so the best he muster is a rather tepid "What are you wearing?" I myself would probably have gone with the somewhat less saucy but still more character-appropriate "What are you reading? And are you naked while you read it?" Because, yes, I do find naked reading to be sexy. Stop looking at me like that. I said naked reading, not naked recapping. "Yes, hello Mr. Wegler," covers Carmela. "I'm afraid now really isn't a good time." He persists in being a dweeb, however, and she's forced to carry on pretending for way longer than she wants. Bob does at least manage to inform her that he's made dinner reservations for them, and she secretly accepts before hanging up the phone. "What'd that fag want?" asks Tony. "Jesus Christ," she snipes. "Everybody's a fag to you. You know, maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that?" "Can I help it if I know one when I see one?" he answers. Oh, the irony. Oh, the humanity. It's just killing me. No, really. It is. They continue bickering back and forth about gay rights and homophobia and whether Carmela said that gay people go to hell with "abortion doctors" or "child molesters," and the entire time this conversation is going on, Tony is slowly stripping down to his underwear (behind a cleverly placed duffel-bag, much to the dismay of the plumpies among us). When Carmela finally looks up and notices his near-nudity, Tony announces that he's going for a swim, and promptly prances out into the back yard. Except wasn't it just the middle of winter back in the first episode? You know, when the trees were bare and the leaves were blowing all around? So how is warm enough to swim already? And why do I really care, when the only thing funnier than the sight of Carmela angrily scooping Tony's socks up off the floor is the sight of Tony doing a cannonball off the diving board? Hee!