Casa di Soprano. Papa Carmela is fixing the bedroom door while Carmela herself mopes around in a robe behind him. "If you had a man around, you wouldn't need to call me," he observes, reminding me of why I don't like him. "You're still young," he adds. "A good-looking woman. There's no reason you shouldn't move on with your life, if that's what you want." Carmela has sprawled out on the bed by this point, and is halfway zoned out as she admits that there actually was someone she was interested in. "He was a wolf in sheep's clothing," she sighs. "He made all these accusations about my character. Whatever I say, whatever I do, because I was married to a man like Tony, my motives will always be called into question." Oh, boo hoo. Perhaps you should have thought about that before you married a man like Tony. Papa Carmela has nothing to say to this, so he just leaves silently while his daughter sobs into her pillows. Oy. No wonder Tony and Carmela are such horrible parents.
And for our grand finale tonight, we join the two Tonys at dinner. Steve Buscemi groans in pain as he folds his injured back into a chair, and then tentatively inquires as to whether that stolen air-bag job is still available. "What happened to the massage parlor?" asks Tony. Stevie B. can only shrug and look sad, and then, at long last, I finally get my shout-out: "It's hard doing business with strangers," says Tony. Aww. He missed me. And I missed you, too, Tony. And I promise never to leave you again. After all, this show is my destiny. That's why my old narcoleptic friend Aaron will probably end up as the only man to ever date Janice who lived to recap the tale.