Sentimental Education

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 1 USERS: A+
She Ain't The Cheatin' Kind

Sunday dinner. Chris, Adriana, the Baccalieri clan, and a few people I can't identify are sitting around the table at Janice's house, laughing and conspicuously not touching the food on their plates. A blonde woman we've never seen before carries a plate into the living room, where Diet Tony is furiously studying his massage textbooks. The blonde, by the way, is Dr. Gina from Sesame Street, only here she looks like precisely the kind of bony, Hoboken white trash you'd expect someone who looks like Steve Buscemi to be dating. Chris and Adriana follow her into the living room, announcing that they're leaving, looking happy and well-adjusted enough to make us believe that the events of last week have packed up and flown off to Vladivostok with Cousin Brian and the Department of Housing and Urban Development. They also perform the valuable service of expositing that Diet Tony met Dr. Gina via an ad he placed over the internet while he was in jail. Aww. See? I knew those TWoP Personals were a good idea. "I gotta read some of that shit," adds Christopher. "I bet it's hysterical." Oh, you have no idea, my friend. Chris then notices the fairly heavy-duty medical texts Diet Tony is studying, and is impressed when he learns that becoming a licensed masseuse requires more than just a glorified "gym test." He delivers a stream of AA-Babble about never giving up or whatever, and then concludes by advising Diet Tony to "keep [his] eye on the tiger." And back on the street, rising up to meet the challenge of his rivals.

Carmela, meanwhile, has elected to celebrate her upcoming dinner with Counselor Bob by having dinner with Father Intintola first. If such a thing can be called a celebration, of course. After some discussion of a charitable diaper drive that I want no part of, their food comes and Carmela gets right down to the good gossip. She tells Father Tool Time all about Bob, whom she describes as someone she's been working on a "project" with. Oh, AJ is definitely a project, all right. She explains that she and Bob have developed "certain feelings," but don't worry -- she also "likes him as a person." Well, thank God for that. "The funny thing is," she adds, "I was sure he was gay. He sort of reminded me of you. You know, he's an intellectual. You know what I mean." Hee! I love seeing Tool get taken down a notch. But why does everyone always have to be gay with Carmela? She keeps gushing and gushing about the guy, which prompts Father RinTinTin to suggest that they discuss Tony's place in all this. Carmela thinks that makes Tool sound like he's being hostile. "I'm not," he insists. "Perhaps that's your sin talking." Ooh, burn! For all eternity, no less. Intintoola says that even though Tony has cheated on her many, many times, Carmela still needs to honor her own vows. He also suggests that Bob could be the work of Satan, which I don't necessarily have a hard time believing. Carmela, on the other hand, just wants to know why God would get her all horny if He didn't want her to act on those feelings. I'm sorry, did she just call God a cock-tease? Because that's not right. Father Phil has no answer to that, except to call over a waiter and have about eight pounds of pepper ground into his salad. You really actually have to see the snitty expression on his face here to appreciate the moment, but it still cracks me up every time I watch.

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