Sopranos
Sopranos

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B | 476 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Forty-five boxes of ziti

Close-up of vinyl dominatrix boots, much like those worn by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, coming down a set of stairs. Furio, sticking his chin out in that oh-so-Godfather way even more than usual, approaches the desk of what appears to be a hotel. That long ponytail has really got to go, and the silk shirt is a bit too billowy for my taste. He rings the bell a million times, and an evidently Hasidic Jew comes in, looking not so enthused at Furio's presence. Without so much as a howdy-do, Furio demands, "We want the room with the stove and refrigerator." "The efficiencies have been booked to paying customers," the Hasid replies. "Muovono," Furio grunts, which means either "hurry up" or "bastard," I'm not sure which. Furio continues his demands for additional rooms on the sides, for they may be there for some days. This must be for Tony's executive game. The Hasid begins to complain that they are ruining the place. Furio won't have it, and tells him that it's his father's fault for making a business deal with them. Then he says he wants a lot of clean towels and the bathrooms "fresh-smelling." For some reason I get a kick out of that. "I should work for nothing?" the Hasid says in his best Fiddler on the Roof impression. Meanwhile, scantily clad women have been mysteriously walking up and down the stairs behind Furio. He calls one over by name, Vivica. Okay, she is definitely dressed for the street corner, or perhaps a Sex and the City audition. Furio asks her if she ever sucks his dick, gesturing towards the Hasid. In her best saucy homegirl inflection, she responds, "I make that beanie spin when I work his thing." Ew. That's an image straight out of a Mel Brooks movie. I also can't stand people who call yarmulkes beanies. Vivica slinks off, and Furio tells the Hasid not to bitch to him. Heh heh.

Police car siren. A dimly-lit street. A cop has pulled fake-bake Paulie over. Uh oh. Paulie looks shiftily in his rearview mirrors. The cop shines a flashlight into Paulie's face, and Paulie sing-songs, "Whaddaya hear, whaddaya say?" The cop asks for his license and registration. Oh boy. Paulie pulls out a gun, points it at the cop, and says how about I give you one of these instead. Oh my. Like an absolute IDIOT the cop tells him he's wearing a vest, in a very weary tone. Paulie says then he'll shoot him in the crotch, or rather, his braciola. Okay this is weird. The cop pokes his head in the window and calls Paulie a sick fuck. They hardy har har, and Paulie calls him by name: Danny Boy. Jeez. Men with guns in any line of work are just crazy. I mean Cra-Z. Paulie asks after his family, he starts to tell him, and Paulie stops him with, "Hey. I got my own fuckin problems." More laughter. Blech. This just isn't funny. Danny Boy calls him a "hard-on" and laments how many times he's fallen for that. Paulie hands him a roll of cash. On the take, that North Jersey police force. Danny Boy tells Paulie that the game players can't mess with the tourists or hotel guests, they must keep the noise down, and there are to be no gunshots, otherwise they have to "take the call." Yeah yeah yeah, go play cops-and-robbers, and Paulie shoos him away. Frightening.

Sopranos

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