The Happy Wanderer

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B- | 33 USERS: B+
Forty-five boxes of ziti

Cut to nighttime skyline of the Garden State in all its industrial glory, or as we used to say in college, "New Jersey: When Machines Ruled the Earth." The next thing we know, it's morning at The Soprano Compound. Meadow clomps ungracefully down the steps. Someone give that girl a Victoria's Secret catalog, please -- she needs a lot more support, there's way too much jiggling going on. Meadow is sporting messy pigtails and a sour-grapes frown on her face, accompanied by Eric Scatino's SUV sound system blaring metal. She gets into the car and declares she's "so pissed," because Hunter SKANKarello just called her to say Rachel Weiss got in early acceptance to Wesleyan. She's just like her father. She should say "ah salut, good for you." Instead, these two charming youths deduce that she got in because her mother's black. "Please, I'm blacker than her mother," Meadow drones. Ooh. Meadow, that's not such a good thing to say. I'm very disappointed in you. "Well, you should have mentioned that on your application," Eric the Keebler Elf Scatino retorts jauntily. They drive off with much eye-rolling and sighing from Miss Meadow, queen of the pouty-faces.

9 AM at the executive game, and there are many sleepy bodies and unshaven faces. In brief, the men look pretty shitty, and I bet they smell worse. Christopher wakes up Tony, who does not look so dapper anymore with bedhead. He tells Christopher to ask the remaining players if they want to "close the lights." Monkey Boy Not From A Bronx Tale hands Tony a coffee, and Tony asks if anyone else wants more coffee. Frank Jr. asks for some with sambuca in it. Like father, like son. They have to explain to Davey what "closing the lights" is. In Frank Jr.'s words, it's admitting you lost and packing it in. Of course, the gambling addict with no sense of self control, a.k.a. Davey Scatino, doesn't want to quit. Tony takes Christopher aside and asks him how much Davey owes them. Forty-five boxes of ziti, he says. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that's $45,000. Apparently Davey grabbed ten boxes when Tony was asleep and said he okayed it. What a chump. A knock at the door, and this time it's our favorite neighborhood hood Richie Aprile. He saunters around, so-called greeting people; everyone dislikes Richie and Richie dislikes everyone, so it's not very sincere. Silvio's hair is all sticking out every which way. Hee. Then Richie spots Davey and all hell breaks loose. "How'd you get in here?" "Same as you, through the front door," Tony chimes in. Richie says he's got some nerve and he should stab him in the eye. Pleasant thought. Christopher attempts to step in, but Richie gets all up in his face too and threatens him. Well, he says he's got a hard-on for him, but I don't think he means that in the biblical sense. Richie attacks Davey and Tony intervenes, ordering him outside. Tony tries to get rid of the tension that has mounted in the room by offering everyone a drink, but it doesn't work. Frank Jr. wants to pack it in, and everyone else follows, making excuses, regardless of Tony's breakfast promises. Frank Jr. throws a chip at Matt and he stammers out "thank yous" and "sirs" and bows repeatedly like a stereotypical Asian businessman.

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