Sopranos
The Happy Wanderer

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B- | 33 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Forty-five boxes of ziti

Melfi's office. Tony is venting about Tom Senior's sudden death. "This gust of wind comes and knocks him off the roof. All for a satellite dish." Melfi makes an incredible psychological breakthrough by determining that that's very sad. Tony tells her he was 65 -- he worked his whole life for his family, always did the right thing, and one day after he retires, he falls off the roof and croaks. Tony makes a whistly whoosh sound and an arm gesture to imply getting knocked off a roof. "Carlos Castaneda said, live every moment as if it were your last dance on earth," Melfi says in an extremely breathy Zen voice. Tony retorts, and rightly so, "Who the fuck listens to prizefighters?" Hee hee. Then Tony rethinks his comment and says Ali had a little wisdom. "Well, at least Tom Senior isn't the Happy Wanderer anymore -- he got his. You don't have to pummel his ass. He's joined the ranks of the unlucky." I hate it when Melfi tries to be down with the lingo. Tony shares my frustration and tells her he doesn't know what she's talking about. Back and forth cutting from Tony to Melfi and back again. Silence. Tony shifts gears and tells Melfi he found out he had a retarded uncle that nobody told him about. "You believe this shit?" Was he seriously developmentally disabled? Melfi asks, in a stilted voice that makes her sound like she's seriously developmentally disabled. "Serious? Naw, he had everybody in stitches back then." Lorraine Bracco takes an extended moment to remember her next line, and says, "Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member so you feel better about coming here? Is it permissible now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags?" Melfi's hair looks terrible, and she has what looks like a rotten front tooth or a really bad cigarette stain. Tony is nonplussed and looks like he's just been bawled out by his schoolteacher.

Funeral, wake, what have you. Tom Sr. in a bad toupee in an open casket. Carmela is consoling Aunt Barbara in her nauseating "we're here for you" good-Catholic-woman way. Meadow and AJ are so not happy to be there and they stare at Livia, who is flanked by Richie and Janice while she wails and flails her rosary beads about. Tony says Va fa cul' a tu under his breath, and Carmela the matriarch reminds him that they were bound to see them at some function, so just relax. "Fuckin' Bette Davis back there," Tony gripes. Hee. Carmela hisses, "No scenes." Tony looks back at Livia, Janice, and Richie and gets up abruptly, telling the kids they're leaving. AJ sighs, "Thank God." Hee. Carmela grabs fierce hold of Tony with her French-tipped talons, telling him she'll kill him. "We paid our respects, now we're leaving," Tony insists. "This may come as a surprise to you but these people are not here to see the Sopranos kill each other. Now show some respect for Tom's father, will you please?" Carmela whispers at him. Richie comes over and kisses Carmela on the cheek, and he and Tony go over to Tom Junior and give him their "boost": this is money (always cash) given to the family, which is done at all Italian funerals and weddings, not just connected ones.

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Sopranos

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