The Happy Wanderer

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B- | 33 USERS: B+
Forty-five boxes of ziti

Meadow and Eric slither over to their dads. Meadow looks stoned. Actually, she always has that sleepy-eyed stoned look. It must be the heavy eye make-up. Eric asks his dad for twenty bucks. The dads play dad as they groan over their kids' ungratefulness. "What, did you think he was coming over here to say gee dad, thanks for taking the time to come to this important event?" Meadow sniggers as she and Tony snuggle. Blech. Tony asks how Eric's doing. In my opinion, not good. He looks like a lemon-colored leftover from The Wonder Years or the evil twin of Eric Forman on That 70s Show. Ew. Davey, mouth full, tells him he should eat. Eric informs him that he and Meadow are going to Starbucks. Somehow he makes it sound like an extremely repellent place. Tony inquires after his college plans, asking if he's planning to go to Brown. Eric says it's a good school in such a blasé way I get the urge to slap him, and then he laments over the "starfucking" that goes on there. I think you'd fuck some stars if you got the chance, Eric, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge. Davey calls him a "Latrine Lip," which sends me into giggly convulsions, and indicates Meadow, as if to say "there's a lady present." Yeah, some lady. "He's right," Miss Meadow chimes in, and pushes away Tony's arm, which I assume was trying to cover her ears from the profanity of men. Let's just assume that. It looks weird, like he was harassing her or something. "This jamoke will still go wherever his mother tells him, he's no different than his old man," Davey says. "You too?" Artie yelps, because he thinks he's found someone as whipped as himself. Tony bemoans the evolution of his friends, telling the kids that in high school Artie and Davey were like Joe Namath and Y.A. Tittle, and now they're like Phil Donahue and Alan Alda. Artie looks very sheepish. Yes, he means you, Artie; Charmaine has your balls in a vice. Of course, you'd look sheepish too if someone called you Phil Donahue. Or Tittle, for that matter.

Tony and Davey, walking together down a very eerily-lit school hallway. I'm expecting zombie teenagers to leap out at them from classroom doorways any time now. Davey tells him he heard through the grapevine that Tony's taking over his uncle's game, the "big one." Ah hah! I smell gambling. I knew it couldn't be a clandestine high-stakes game of Uno. Tony is almost amused at Davey's use of "the grapevine," and sagely answers, "You know if you listen close to that song, it says believe none of what you hear and half of what you see." Davey hems and haws and hums and says he just likes "to play a little." Oh Jesus. He's gonna owe big money by the end of this episode, I can see it now. In fact, I could see it now if I wanted. On tape and in my head. I've seen it before! Hee. Anyway, Tony tells him this game is not for him. Davey hems and haws and hums, says "naw" a billion times and that it'd just be a "kick." Yes, I like to be in debt to gangsters for fun as well. But only on the weekends, when I'm feeling really wacky! Tony sees he must speak slowly and enunciate for this schmuck, because he's not getting it. He tells Davey he's a nice guy and he likes him, he could get hurt, and to trust him -- "this game is not for you." Davey comes back with "You know how many jock straps I sold last week?" Funny, but that's not enough for this game, stupid. "Come on, let's go see what the Wayo from Bucknell's gotta say." I could guess "Wayo" is some sort of racial slur, but fortunately I don't know what it means. But Davey was the evil cyborg in Terminator 2. I just had to mention that. ["He's also in The X-Files now." -- Sars]

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP