The Happy Wanderer

Episode Report Card
Miss Parker: B- | 33 USERS: B+
Forty-five boxes of ziti

Police car siren. A dimly-lit street. A cop has pulled fake-bake Paulie over. Uh oh. Paulie looks shiftily in his rearview mirrors. The cop shines a flashlight into Paulie's face, and Paulie sing-songs, "Whaddaya hear, whaddaya say?" The cop asks for his license and registration. Oh boy. Paulie pulls out a gun, points it at the cop, and says how about I give you one of these instead. Oh my. Like an absolute IDIOT the cop tells him he's wearing a vest, in a very weary tone. Paulie says then he'll shoot him in the crotch, or rather, his braciola. Okay this is weird. The cop pokes his head in the window and calls Paulie a sick fuck. They hardy har har, and Paulie calls him by name: Danny Boy. Jeez. Men with guns in any line of work are just crazy. I mean Cra-Z. Paulie asks after his family, he starts to tell him, and Paulie stops him with, "Hey. I got my own fuckin problems." More laughter. Blech. This just isn't funny. Danny Boy calls him a "hard-on" and laments how many times he's fallen for that. Paulie hands him a roll of cash. On the take, that North Jersey police force. Danny Boy tells Paulie that the game players can't mess with the tourists or hotel guests, they must keep the noise down, and there are to be no gunshots, otherwise they have to "take the call." Yeah yeah yeah, go play cops-and-robbers, and Paulie shoos him away. Frightening.

The executive game. Platters of shrimp, antipasto, you name it! YUM. My stomach is growling and I'm craving chicken parmesan, sausage and peppers, anything Italian. Of course, Tony is stuffing his face, but I have to say he looks really good in a nice olive-colored suit complete with tie clip, cufflinks and a rosy silk kerchief in his pocket. One of my old roommates has a huge crush on James Gandolfini and sometimes I can see why. When he won Emmys for this role she was screaming, "Yeah, Tony! My man James! " and doing that old Arsenio Hall whoop-whoop arm thing. At the time, I thought she was out of her gourd. Little did I know that Mr. Gandolfini is in possession of many charms, especially when he's dressed well. But I digress into Italian-American Actors and Why We Love Them 101. Tony attempts to call over Matt, a.k.a. Monkey Boy From A Bronx Tale, but repeatedly calls him Mike. Christopher tells Matt that Tony wants him. Monkey Boy From A Bronx Tale eagerly comes over and says, "Yeah, T." Arrrggghh. He's so stoopid. Tony pleasantly corrects him on the name and then instructs him to give him and Dr. Fried each one of the Macanudo cigars. Frank Sinatra Jr. is present, and it's all very serious and gambler-ish. Paulie waves away smoke as they some light up cigars. Monkey Boy From A Bronx Tale offers them all Macanudos, which he was not instructed to do, and Paulie tells him to take a walk. Frank Sinatra Jr. reassures Matt not to be bothered by Paulie, he's just "an incredibly nasty fuck." Paulie tells Chairboy of the Board to read his cards. Tony tells the Monkey Boy Not From A Bronx Tale to put some trays of food out and to not give anybody booze unless they ask for it, which takes a lot more brain power for him to absorb than is necessary. These monkey boys worry me.

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