AJ's playing a video game standing up. Apparently, the Mario Kart embargo has ended. Tony walks by: "Listen, don't you hear the fuckin' doorbell?" "I'm in the middle of a game," AJ shrugs. The doorbell rings again. Tony bitches at AJ to "wise up" and heads for the front door, then hears knocking coming from the side door to the kitchen. He opens the door to find two guys in FBI gear. One of them whips off his government-issue sunglasses and asks officiously, "Anthony Soprano?" "What are you doin' in my backyard?" "The gate was open," the agent says, and introduces himself and his partner and asks if they can come in. "If I say no?" Tony says reluctantly. "If we were local, we wouldn't even a knocked," the agent sniffs. "What's your point?" The agent sighs and says they have a search warrant, but they know he has kids at home, so the team's waiting out front so as not to traumatize the rest of the family "by kicking in doors." He suggests that Tony take a minute to tell the kids "that you have, uh -- visitors." Tony nods and closes the door.
Melfi walks out to the waiting room and opens the door. Pan over to the couch -- no Tony. "Huh," Melfi says, pursing her lips and going back into her office.
Agent Harris feels under couch cushions as Tony looks on; he tells Harris that "any quarters, you can keep." Heh. "Trying to bribe me?" Harris snipes; he crosses the room as Tony suggests that Harris tell him what he's looking for, "maybe I can save you some time," and we see Carmela, Meadow, and AJ standing in a concerned knot in the doorway. "Any incriminating evidence'd be nice," Harris says. Carmela, Meadow, and AJ all turn to look at Tony. Other agents come downstairs with computer equipment, and Meadow whines that they have her computer and she has an English paper. Tony says to Harris, "You gotta be shitting me," and Harris gives him a "just doing my job" shrug, and the kids complain, and then there's a crash and Carmela snarls, "What the hell're they doin' in my kitchen?" and the whole family files in to find a young agent named Grasso standing over a broken bowl of marinara. Sniping; recriminations; snarking about forgotten lunchboxes and how Carmela isn't cleaning up after them. Tony curses Grasso out in Italian and makes an obscene gesture, and Grasso gets pissed off, and Harris has to calm them both down, telling Tony that they'll leave in a few minutes. Carmela herds everyone into the living room to wait it out.
Evening. The family eats Chinese take-out while Tony bitches about the Feds; he knows they have to do their jobs, but he hates the way they act. Carmela remarks that Harris didn't seem so bad, but Tony says that "he's the biggest sneak out of all of 'em" and adds that Grasso broke the bowl on purpose. Carmela doesn't think so, but Tony says they sent that guy just because he's Italian, and he goes on and on about Grasso selling out and getting to the top "by arresting his own people." The rest of the family more or less ignores him, but Tony keeps at it with the Italian pride thing, and AJ gets yelled at for not knowing that Antonio Meucci invented the telephone. Meadow decides she's bided her time long enough, and asks, "Who invented the Mafia?" Tony, incredulously: "What?" "La Cosa Nostra, who invented that?" she asks smugly. "Who cares?" AJ asks, tucking into a short rib. Meadow busts out a little Mafia-timeline science and lists the Five Families with a self-satisfied smile, and Tony sits back and snaps, "Is there something you wanna say to me?" "I just like history -- like you, Dad," Meadow says, sugar dripping from her voice. "Can you 'just' shut the fuck up about it?" AJ tells her. Ha! Go, AJ. "Hey!" Carmela snaps. AJ gives his father a conspiratorial look. Carmela tells him that John Cabot, "famous discoverer of Canada," was Italian. Shout-out to Wing Chun? I think so. More famous and learned Italians…the founder of the Bank of America. Mother Cabrini. Whether the Chinese invented spaghetti. How many Italians fought for the US in World War II. Sacco and Venzetti, innocent men "who got the chair because they were Italian." And, of course, Frank Sinatra. Tony and Carmela share a smile when he mentions The Voice.