The Ride

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | 3 USERS: A
The Ride

Cut to Christopher spiking his own arm. Then he pukes. Then he spends like twenty minutes at the St. Elzear Festival, tripping out on the lights. And I kept thinking there was going to be a point to all this, like he was going to die, or get killed, or Tony was going to find him and get pissed, or Kelli would find him, or something. But, no. It's just a really, really long scene of Christopher staring at lights and petting a stray dog, and then passing out on a step somewhere. Seriously? There's only three episodes left this season and this is what they show us? Because I think we get that Christopher keeps telling himself that he's got his life together, but he keeps fucking it up.

It's time for the parade with the statue of St. Elzear. A crowd gathers, as some guys carry the statue (sans gold hat) out of the church. The old people gathered to watch the procession keep calling out prayers and asking where the hat is. Paulie sits in a cop car and watches the proceedings. People keep going up to the statue and pinning cash to it.

Tony is antsy at home. He keeps opening and closing the refrigerator. Read a book or something, dude. Carmela asks what he needs, and Tony doesn't know. That sentence pretty much describes their relationship in a nutshell, although you'd probably have to add that Carmela denies something, and Tony tries to throw money at the problem. Tony sits down at the table with Carmela. She makes small talk about his sprained ankle, and Tony asks whether she's okay. Carmela says that she's been debating all night whether or not to mention this. Tony looks amused. Carmela tells him what Liz La Cerva said about Christopher killing Adriana. Tony just laughs, and says that that's insane. Carmela points out that Christopher has been known to be "free with his hands," and Tony says that Liz was probably drunk. Professor Tony offers up a seminar on domestic violence: there's always a body, and the murder usually happens in the bedroom or the kitchen. Carmela doesn't look convinced. Tony pours himself some stolen wine, and says that with the forensics available nowadays, the cops would be all over Christopher if they thought he did it. Tony thinks Liz is suffering from sour grapes, because Adriana got dumped. Carmela thought Adriana did the dumping. Tony ignores her and says that Adriana was "a sweet girl," but she and Christopher had "a toxic relationship." Carmela seizes on this as the truth, agreeing with Tony's assessment. Tony points out that Christopher is doing great: married, with a kid on the way, and focused. Carmela just nods, sadly, probably knowing that her husband is lying, but not willing to rock the boat. Again, that pretty much describes their whole relationship.

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