The Sopranos

Episode Report Card
The Sopranos

More family fun times with Livia as the Sopranos tour an assisted-living facility. Meadow cold-shouldering Carmela; Livia grouching with her usual complete lack of tact. AJ calls the place "really nice" and encourages his grandmother to give it a chance, but she spots the medical wing and starts freaking out: "This is a nursing home. You're not getting me into a nursing home." Tony and Carmela argue that it isn't really a nursing home, as does the director giving the tour, but Livia is all worked up, and she repeats her line about the women in wheelchairs babbling like idiots. Tony is getting more and more frustrated and stressed out himself, and when Livia starts going off on the "high and mighty" director, Tony's eyes start crossing; right on cue, after a few seconds of hyperventilating by Tony, Livia wails, "People come here to die!" and down Tony goes again, bringing an end table and a flower arrangement with him. "Oh my God!" Livia exclaims, but there's a hint of "oh, what a pleasant surprise" in her voice. The rest of the family springs into motion around Tony.

In Melfi's office, Tony sits, hands covering his face. "So," Melfi prompts, "you've come back for help. Don't look at that as a defeat," although from the expression on his now-uncovered face, he clearly does. Banter about depression vs. the Depression. Melfi encourages him to talk about his mother. Tony makes a where-would-I-begin face and grumbles, "Now that my father's dead, he's a saint. When he was alive [pushing fingers out from under chin in 'fuck you' gesture] -- nothin'." Tony frowns in disgust before saying that his father "was tough; he ran his own crew," but Livia wore his father down "to a little nub," a "squeaking little gerbil." Still, he frowns. "Quite a formidable maternal presence," Melfi observes. Tony stares at her before admitting that he's not "getting much satisfaction from" work either. She asks why. "Well, because of RICO." "Is he your brother?" Bah-dum-bum. Jennifer Melfi, ladies and gents. Don't forget to tip your waitress. Tony corrects her; he means the RICO statute, and he goes on to complain about electronic surveillance and "various other strategies" the government uses to put the squeeze on him. She asks if he has "any qualms" about how he makes a living. He says he does: "I find I have to be the sad clown." Only if you wear those shiny sweatsuits your boys like so much, T. Tony mourns the passing of omertà, saying that everyone turns government witness nowadays: "I feel exhausted just talking about it." Melfi uses this as an excuse to segue into a discussion of medication: "Well, with today's pharmacology, no one needs to suffer." "Here we go," Tony says glumly. "Here comes the Prozac."

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