Could Tony Soprano be a communist? After all, he's been known to fraternize with Cubans and Russians, he often "disappears" his enemies, and David Chase has publicly admitted that he's been working off a five-year plan. And that's not even mentioning the way he's enforced the communal ownership of assets like Pie-O-My and Valentina. Oh, sure, he seems all bourgeois, what with the trips to the mall and the constant conspicuous consumption (mostly of food), but can we really be so sure? It's something to watch for, in any case. Other shows may have their HoYay, but we could be the first to have CoYay!
David Chase: Are you calling me a commie?
Aaron: If the sickle fits
David Chase: Okay, now you've gone too far!
Fade up on one of the finest subtextually relevant video clips we've had in a long time. As Christopher carefully prepares to shoot up in his living room, we see the Little Rascals cavorting with a gorilla on the screen behind him, meaning that Buckwheat quite literally has a monkey on his back. Heh. Very clever, guys. What's next, a Discovery Channel documentary on the world's biggest ball of twine, just to show how strung out he is? Or should we maybe get the Counting Crows to sing about "Mr. Jones"? Hell, the geeks out there might even appreciate a visit from Command & Conquer's Kane, if only for the sly reference to Chris's tendency to "Nod" off. In any case, Christopher stumbles over to the sofa, where he plops down and hey! He just sat on Cosette! Or rather, he just sat on a stuffed dog that looks like Cosette that the editor tried frantically (but ultimately in vain) to conceal! We hear a strangled little yelp from beneath him, and then we cut to another Little Rascal knocking out the gorilla with a well-thrown rock. Wow. That's one wildly relevant video clip. But it matters not, as Christopher slumps over unconscious, with poor Cosette trapped beneath his weight. Farewell, Cosette. I don't care how hot you people think Christopher is -- no one wants to die while wedged between his ass cheeks. Well, I could be wrong about that.
And I know this is usually djb's thing, but I just can't help but break into song at this point:
On my own
Pretending she's beneath me
I sat on her 'til morning
The apartment is much quieter
And when I get real high I close my eyes
And sit on her fur
Ahem. When I return to my senses, Carmela is primping in front of the hallway mirror. And sure enough, just as we notice her brand new shorter haircut, the doorbell rings. She opens it to greet Furio, and hey! It's Vinnie Delpino! And not only that, the shot is perfectly blocked to make you think it really is Furio until the absolute last possible second. Plus they've got Vinnie all decked out in black leather, so he actually sort of looks like Furio's Mini-Me. Hee! Carmela is crushed by this unexpected substitution, and Vinnie explains that Furio couldn't get a flight out of Rome on Air Contrivia this early in the episode. Carmela invites him inside, and then ditches him in the foyer without so much as an offer of a cup of coffee. Man, not even Wanda Plenn ever treated him that bad. In the kitchen, Tony comes downstairs to kiss his wife goodbye, and immediately notices the new do. "I thought we agreed that you were going to talk to me first if you were gonna do something to your hair," he gripes. Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony. Come on, dude! What guy doesn't know better than that? Why not just tell her she looks fat in that outfit? They do it all the time in the forums. And have you forgotten that this woman just stole fifty thousand dollars from you over a fingernail? "Do you like it?" she asks, ignoring his patriarchal patronization. "It's short," he replies, before adding that he's a bad, bad husband, and that Carmela should feel free to look elsewhere for emotional validation. Okay, actually he just kisses her again and walks out the door, but it's anvilicious all the same.