David Chase: I invited them. I think it's time we had a little talk about your behavior, my friend. Jessica, why don't you go first?
Jessica: Ahem. [reads from Pee-Chee notebook] Despite repeated warnings, you keep stealing all our gimmicks for your own sick and twisted purposes. And now my Scully Action Figure tells me you kept checking to see if she was "anatomically correct." Disgusting.
Wing Chun: And you also keep putting spoilers in the damn recap titles! Not everyone gets the show the same day as you high-falutin' Americans do, you know.
Sars: Not only that, but I've heard you can no longer function like a man.
Daniel: Oh, the shame!
Aaron: YOU wanna talk about shame? At least my shows don't get cancelled all the time!
Sars: Now, now. There's no need to get angry. Everyone in this room is here because they love you.
Strega: Well, almost everyone.
Miss Alli: Yeah, I'm only here because I was promised there would be cookies.
Aaron: Oh, please. You people steal my "conversations" all the time! Not to mention the fact that I invented the song-parody homepage teaser. And who do you think made up the word "snarky," huh? That was me! All me! I'm "particularly droll," people. I AM Television Without Pity!
Regina: Viggo, kick his ass.
Aaron: [Scuffle. Scuffle. Thump.] Ow! Hey, no fair using swords!
Sars: Would you prefer I got out the xylophone?
Shack: You know what, I've got my own annoying Aaron to deal with. I'm outta here.
Gustave: Yeah, this is boring. I need me some Kiefer.
Omar: And by the way, I INVENTED THE DAMN CONVORSATIONS, asshole!
Aaron: Hey! Where's everybody going? Wait! I still need help! Come back! Now!
We cut straight from the fight to a hospital, where Tony finds a nurse to ask about Christopher's condition. The nurse initially has a hard time accepting the story that Christopher "slipped off the kitchen counter while spraying for ants," but Tony helpfully explains, "He was wearing socks." Oh, well, that makes all the difference in the world, then. Heh. Socks. Anyway, Tony goes back to talk to Christopher, and he makes the situation perfectly clear. "You're my nephew," he says, "and I love you. And that's the only reason you're alive right now. If it were anybody else, anybody, they'd have gotten their intervention right through the back of the fucking head." For some reason, Gandolfini is really working his Brando imitation in this scene, right down to the overly wheezy breathing. "I told you you were the future of this family," he continues. "I gave you that responsibility, and you looked me in the eye and you accepted it, and you were fucking high." Christopher is bawling by this point, and Tony angrily tells him that he'll be going into rehab, and that Patsy Peesy will be watching his every move. "How did it fucking get to this?" sobs Christopher.