Sopranos
The Strong, Silent Type

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Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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No Woman, No Cry

Out in his car, Tony uses his cell phone to call Silvio back at the Bing. "Get rid of that fucking picture!" he shouts. "Burn it! I never want to see the fucking thing again."

And then, continuing with the Planes, Pains, and Automobiles segment of our broadcast, we cut to Furio's flight, touching down at Newark airport. From there he catches a cab, and asks the driver to take him to 97 Product Place. Just kidding. He does, however, cruise through all manner of Americana as he passes strip malls, gas stations, and car dealerships on his way home from the airport. They're also spot-on with the little detail of having the cab driver yammering into his cell phone in an indeterminate foreign language. For a guy who was just bitching about all the litter in Naples last week, he doesn't exactly look happy to be back in the home of the Big Mac.

Vesuvio. Silvio is eating dinner with Patsy Peesy and Ally-Boy Barese. Why Ally-Boy? Because Ray Curto is wearing a wire, and therefore David Chase can't use him for scenes like this anymore. Or maybe it's just because Ally does such a great Costas Mandylor impersonation. Who knows? Anyway, Ally McBoy not-so-subtly insinuates that Tony might have been the one who killed Joey, and Silvio is forced to reply that he's not really sure what happened there. Then he gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving Ally and Patsy to argue over whose name is more girly. "Don't get me wrong," Ally says, "I wouldn't piss on this [Joey] if he was on fire, but to whack a guy over a horse? How fucked up is that?" "If it could happen to him, it could happen to any of us," replies Patsy, which completely ignores the fact that neither Dan Grimaldi nor Richard Maldone are big-shot movie stars who merit major plot arcs. They wrap things up by foreshadowing that if the time ever comes to kill Tony, Silvio would be the one to do it.

At the hospital, Tony attempts to assuage his guilt over Joey by sitting at young Justin's bedside, where his wheezy heavy breathing keeps perfect time with the beeping heart monitor. Joey's ex-wife enters behind him, and Tony hops up to report that Justin seemed to recognize him earlier. Then he hands over an envelope full of cash, which the ex gladly accepts. I note that her hatred of Joey clearly doesn't extend to the fruit of his ill-gotten gains, but that's an issue for another day.

Chez Soprano. Carmela, having apparently already primped off-screen, opens the front door yet again, and this time Furio really is there. She's delighted to see him, and he manages to notice her haircut and look pleased by it without saying a single word. But then he pulls his old "I'll just-a wait in the car" shtick, and once again my hopes of something interesting happening in this plotline are dashed against the cold, unforgiving concrete of the Soprano front steps. He did at least bring gifts for the family, however, and Carmela quickly rushes inside to check them out. Meadow gets a very fancy (but also really tiny) copy of Dante's Divine Comedy, whereas AJ gets a tacky plastic keychain with that little guy from the Planter's peanuts commercials on it. Well, that doesn't seem fair. I guess it's AJ's punishment for always getting in the way when Furio wants to be alone with Carmela. On the other hand, at least his name was spelled right, while Meadow gets stuck with "Maedo." When Carmela realizes that there's no secret present for her in the bag, she stands there looking thoughtful. She doesn't do anything. She doesn't say anything. She just stands there looking thoughtful. And people wonder why I don't care about these two.

Outside, Tony emerges to find Furio wiping away tears in the car. Oy. There's no crying by knee-cappers! There is NO CRYING by knee-cappers! Furio explains it away by saying that he's sad about his father's death. "Well, all right," snaps Tony, "but you gotta get over it."

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Sopranos

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