Sopranos
The Telltale Moozadell

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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The softer side of snakes

Verbum Dei. That sounds dirty, by the way, but isn't. The pool is being cleaned, but Principal Cincotta, or as I like to call him, Headmaster Weasel, is bemoaning the destruction of the "wall of pride." A janitor approaches and hands him a half-eaten box of pizza found at the scene. Cut to pair of cop cars screeching to a halt in front of the pizza joint. The police head inside and start grilling the owner about the origin of the pie. To truly do justice to the hilarity that is this scene, I'd have to come to your house and act it out for you in person, but what with the whole internet downturn, the MBTV accounting division refuses to approve my expense vouchers. I guess I probably could have flown coach like they asked, but we all remember what happened last time I tried that. Anyway, it's funny in a Dragnet-parody sort of way. And they didn't even need Dan Ackroyd and Tom Hanks to pull it off. The owner's son finally admits that he knows the origin of the telltale moozadell, but prefers not to say. A few threats from the cops are apparently all it takes to change to his mind, however.

Cut to AJ being berated by Carmela. It's pretty much every conversation I've ever had with my own parents. "Yes, I knew it was wrong. No, I don't know why I did it. Yes, I'm sorry. No, I wouldn't jump off a bridge if all my friends did." You get the idea. I remember the time I broke a glass door, and Mom debited my allowance while the blood was still gushing down my arm. Tony "Robot Dog" Soprano wanders over in his robe and bedhead (StR = 885, a pretty respectable score), and asks the obvious question: "How do you vandalize a swimming pool?" He smacks AJ for screwing around on his mother's birthday, and AJ adopts a Johnny Cochran-style defense by saying that it was after midnight, which apparently makes it okay to let it all hang out. Tony smacks him again, saying that he's going to miss the big game and ruin his football career, and AJ just looks despondent as he reports that Headmaster Weasel will be calling them to his office.

Vesuvio. Artie brings a plate to Rosalie and Carmela, but Rosalie isn't really interested in "mozzarella and string beans." Artie explains that it's actually not mozzarella, but rather a special cheese with an "almost nut-like" flavor called "buratta" that he had flown in special from Italy. Then again, with the food pronunciations on this show, "buratta" could actually just be something he picked up at the Taco Bell next door. Anyway, Rosalie doesn't seem to like it, as she professes to be "not that big on nuts." Obviously, she doesn't spend a lot of time with her family, because it doesn't get any nuttier than Big Joey Pants and Little Lord Fuckpants. Incidentally, I wonder when they'll officially change the last name? Anyway, Artie does a Benihana flip with the pepper mill and departs, leaving Rosalie to make a toast to "the blossoming friendship between our two children." She goes on to describe Meadow as "a wonderful girl," and I guess she doesn't spend much time with Carmela's family either. They talk about Artie and Charmaine's impending divorce, and Rosalie marvels that even though the men in their lives have been "you know what," they've managed to stay together, while regular guys like Artie can't hold on to their marriages. "You can only push a man so far," declares Carmela, and then you can see her start to wonder if perhaps she herself has pushed Tony past that point.

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Sopranos

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