The Telltale Moozadell

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
The softer side of snakes

And it looks like she has, because he's out at the Mercedes dealership again. Gloria hops out of a car and sends her latest mark inside to wait on the paperwork. Incidentally, do all New Jersey luxury car dealers wear leather mini-skirts and knee-high boots? No, seriously. Because I've got some extra cash to burn. Gloria comes over and alleviates Tony's jealousy by explaining that the "douche bag" (as Tony so eloquently describes him) buys a new six-hundred from her every year. Thus mollified, Tony hands over a gift he brought for her. This one looks nothing like a melted Rubik's cube, however, and actually turns out to be a day planner of some sort. He attempts to "kidnap" her for the afternoon, offering to take her anywhere she wants to go, including such potential locales as "The Pierre" and "Sherry Netherlands." After not knowing The Stone Pony, I'm not even going to take a shot at those two, although "Sherry Netherlands" does sound like one hell of a tasty beverage. ["They're Manhattan hotels." -- Sars] Gloria has to stay and work though, and heads back inside, but not before extracting a promise from Tony to take her to, of all places, the zoo. Maybe they serve Sherry Netherlands in the bar there or something. Who knows?

Paulie's Place. Paulie and Tony are watching some Discovery Channel special on snakes, with Paulie pontificating on the reproductive habits of serpents. "Amazing thing about snakes is that they reproduce spontaneously…they have both male and female sex organs." Every time I think Paulie is just talking out of his ass, he turns out be right yet again, as another Google search turned up this tidbit from "Talk about girl power! Some snakes have shown the ability to reproduce without males! [Their punctuation, not mine.] While this situation has been reported in only a smattering of snakes, such as the Brahminy Blind Snakes and, more rarely, the Timber Rattlesnake and Wandering Garter Snake, it may happen among other snakes as well." Besides, after the hagiography incident of episodes past, how can I pass up this opportunity for gratuitous usage of the word "parthenogenesis"? Anyway, whoever in the forums described Paulie as the "Mafia Cliff Claven" has earned my undying respect and admiration. Paulie extends his theory of zoology to include the fact that this reproductive trait is the origin of calling someone you can't trust a snake. "How can you trust a guy who can literally go fuck himself?" he wonders. Tony, as always, is skeptical, pointing out that he's fairly certain that the whole untrustworthy-reptile concept originated with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Having recapped the miniseries, I know he's right, but Paulie insists that "snakes were fucking themselves long before Adam and Eve came along." Actually, that was only about two days or so, but you know what they say about time and fun.

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