Sopranos
The Telltale Moozadell

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Aaron: B | Grade It Now!
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The softer side of snakes

Michael Imperioli: As much as I love Paulie, you know what would make this show better?
David Chase: More reptilian sex-talk?
Michael Imperioli: Well, yeah, but I was thinking we could have a special guest star every week. They could come in and have wacky conversations with Paulie about stuff that's sub-textually related to the show.
David Chase: Nah. It's too gimmicky. Besides, these days, it seems like everybody's doing it.
Michael Imperioli: I guess it is sort of contrived.
David Chase: Yeah, and believe you me, you don't want to mess with that guy.

Before the Biblical banter can get out of hand, there's a knock at the door. It's Jackie Jr., and Paulie gets relegated to Furio status this week when he's forced to leave his own apartment so that Tony and Little Lord Fuckpants can chat. Once Paulie heads off to "pick up a couple of slices," Tony pours Jackie some wine and starts grilling him about Meadow. Jackie lists their itinerary for the evening, and then starts babbling about school scheduling before Tony finally gets serious. "Listen, I think you're a good kid. You show respect at my house." I'll say. And I will, too. But that comes later. Tony emphasizes his desire to keep Jackie out of the family business, saying, "I know I've told you this before, but this time it's different…If you're in school, you've got to give it everything you've got." Jackie mollifies him a bit by revealing that he got an A on his Edgar Allan Poe paper, and then proceeds to describe Poe as a "good writer, but what a fucking nut job…he smoked opium and married his cousin." Now there was a man who'd read his Bible. Tony seems pleased by this educational accomplishment (and no doubt Meadow would be pleased at fooling her father as well), and he wraps up the paternal inquisition by instructing Jackie Jr. to "keep [his] father in mind." Before leaving, he hands the kid a wad of cash, instructing him to "have some dessert on me…just don't keep her out too late." I think it's probably too late for Tony to be worrying about how late they're staying out.

The Club Formerly Known As Lollipop, or TCFKAL (which is actually pronounced "Crazy Horse"). Adriana introduces their "very first band," and while some people have complained about this little musical interlude, it's actually a pretty nice character montage. We see Chris and Adriana looking proud, Artie dancing like a fifteen-year-old at a Backstreet Boys concert, and the oldsters like Paulie and Hesh in the back, struggling to talk over the loudness of the band. In the bathroom, some random Russian is selling a brand of Ecstasy he calls "Versace." Given how this episode turns out, I'm betting he'll be switching to the Little Lord label sometime very soon. Suddenly, Furio and Vinnie Delpino burst in and toss him out into the street. "If I see-a you here again, I'm a-gonna crack you head!" exclaims Furio, before cracking the kid in an entirely different location. Heh. Also, ow. Furio is wearing pink leather pants, by the way. There's nothing I don't love about this guy.

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Sopranos

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