Sopranos
The Test Dream

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T Didn't Start The Fire

Vesuvio. Charmaine saunters over to greet them, looking quite a bit more sexy than usual. As she leads them to the table, however, Tony spots a TV over the bar that's playing High Noon. Gary Cooper gets obscured by a pillar as Tony keeps walking, and then he finally looks up to see Meadow, Finn, and his parents seated around the table. "We were getting so worried!" exclaims Meadow. "We were about to start checking the hospitals," adds Finn. Oy. Shut up, the both of you. Or should that be "wake up"? Meadow introduces Finn's parents, and Dad is played by John "Detective Vin Makazian" Heard, and Mom is played by none other than Annette Bening. People have been speculating all week about why Makazian is the one playing Finn's dad, but I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that it's nothing more than the simple Vin/Finn thing. Plus it can't really be any of the dead wise guys, so he was probably the best choice. Although Wide Guy would have been a hoot. Everyone settles into their chairs, and small talk about Vesuvio ensues, with Carmela revealing that they grew up with the restaurant's owners, and confirming that she and Tony were high-school sweethearts. Then Annette Bening asks Tony how long he can stay, and he replies that there's something he needs to take care of. "Show them what you have in your pocket," prompts Carmela, and Tony bashfully reaches into his suit and pulls out the bloody tooth. Everyone leans in to stare at it, looking very impressed. "With a husband in dental school," says Tony to Meadow, "he'll be able to fix your mouth, honey." Hmm. That pretty much has to be where that shot of Tracee from the HBO website was supposed to go. I wonder why they cut it.

Tony starts to tell another joke, beginning with, "And then for the capper..." Get it? Do you? Ahh, dental humor. Always so incisive. It amazes me, however, how common the loose-tooth dream actually seems to be. I've spent way more time than I ever wanted to on dream interpretation websites this week, and teeth are by far one of the most common requests. Who knew? Besides everyone having the dreams, of course. Tony spits out yet another tooth, and then Annette Bening says that they "know all about" him, and "think that it's great." "Well, that's a relief," sighs Carmela, and I definitely don't have a hard time believing that this would be one of Tony's deepest anxieties. "Speaking of dental school," adds Annette, "people always told us that Finn would never amount to much." "He won't," replies Carmela, and it's here that Finn is replaced by AJ for one quick shot. Heh. "I think the die is cast," she continues, and then Makazian and Annette start bickering about keeping the family secrets. While that's going on, Charmaine comes over and thrusts her breasts into Tony's face as she grinds pepper onto his salad. After a moment or two of awkward silence, Annette turns to Meadow and asks if she plays an instrument. "I was in Chamber Singers," she answers, and Makazian adds that he used to sing in the Navy Glee Club. And once again, I remember a line about that, but I just can't find it in the recaps. Makazian suddenly breaks into an a cappella rendition of "Three Times A Lady," and yes, it goes on absolutely forever. At first everyone looks happy and amused, but eventually boredom sets in, and you can actually see them wondering when he's going to shut up. I have to give props to Edie Falco's plastic happy face, though, because it's absolutely perfect. While the singing continues, Tony is suddenly struck by a thought, and he leans back behind Carmela and taps Annette on the shoulder. "You're Annette Bening?" he asks. She nods like he's a crazy autograph seeker, and Tony laughs and says, "I thought so." He's totally proud of himself for getting it, too, which is good, because apparently a lot of people didn't catch it until then anyway.

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