The Test Dream

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
T Didn't Start The Fire

Just when you think Makazian is about to stop singing, he launches into yet another verse, and now everyone is really starting to look uncomfortable. Tony leans over to tap Annette on the shoulder again, and this time she angrily snaps, "What?" Tony glances over and sees Artie pointing off to the side through the tiny kitchen window, and then looks back to Annette to say, "Something bad is going to happen." The song finally comes to an end, with Makazian serenading his wife directly, and Annette Bening's eye roll is a thing of beauty. "Huh," he sighs, before continuing: "After I sing I can usually use a nice tinkle." Heh. Tony says he'll join him, and then Annette looks over at Carmela and announces, "I don't want my husband coming out of there with just his cock in his hand." "Me, either," agrees Carmela. I wonder what the significance of changing "dick" to "cock" is supposed to be. You know there's no way that's just a screw-up.

In the men's room, an attendant is watching the same small television that the Sopranos have in their kitchen. On it we see Tony and Makazian's feet entering the bathroom, and then we pull back to see their entire bodies entering the bathroom. Makazian heads for the urinals, but Tony steps into one of the stalls to look behind the toilet tank for a gun. Heh. That's the only reference in the entire episode that my parents actually caught. I suspect it was like that for a lot of viewers. Tony then moves to a urinal of his own, and much pissing ensues. "You don't do this no more?" he asks. "No," replies Makazian. Then he asks Tony if he's going to be able to "come through on the thing." "I did my homework," insists Tony, pulling out a copy of The Valachi Papers. In case you're too lazy to do your own homework, the book was written by a low-level mobster back in the '60s, and it's considered to be the first real exposé of how the mafia worked in America. It also may or may not be a sign that someone is planning to rat. Makazian sets the book on a shelf above the urinal, and mutters that the piece wasn't behind the toilet. "Well, this is real life," answers Tony. "No it's not," says Makazian, as gunshots shatter the window above them. "This is it."

And then we cut to something that actually is happening in real life, even though it's still happening in Tony's dream. Diet Tony is firing away at Phil Leotardo in his car in the middle of a crowded city street. Tony pushes his way through the crowd, and finally gets to the front, where he has a clear view of the action. "I knew this was going to happen," he says. "Why didn't you stop him?" shouts a random civilian from the assembled crowd. Tony tries to pull out a gun and do just that, but he doesn't seem to be carrying one at the moment, and ends up just checking his pockets in vain. Battered and bloody, Phil Leotardo staggers out of his car, stumbles a few steps across the pavement, and then collapses to the ground. It's ridiculously over-acted, and yet no less hilarious, and then Diet Tony looms over him, cocks a finger, and whispers, "Bang." "You have any idea what you just did?" asks Fat Tony. "Why don't you tell them what happened twenty years ago," replies Diet Tony. In one of the hands-down funniest moments of the episode, Phil Leotardo puts his hand up from where he's lying in the street and waits to be called on. A reporter runs over and sticks a microphone in his face, and Phil grumbles, "What do I gotta count to before I can get up?" Hee! The reporter turns around to ask Tony, and it's Gloria again. Yay! "You're really dead," replies Tony, proving that he's smarter when he's asleep than when he's awake. Sort of. "But I got kids," complains Phil. "They got kids." And again with the humanizing. Can't we just have raw, wanton violence anymore? This is America, goddammit! An unidentified black male speaks up from nearby to say, "Yo, wasn't that Tony there the guy you were supposed to cap to prevent this from happening?" "I don't know," answers Fat Tony. "I guess not. I don't have a piece." This is all intercut with shots of the crowd watching attentively, and then Annette Bening raises her hand to be called on. "There's something Bugsy about him," she announces. We get a quick shot of Melvoin (of all people) in the crowd, and then Tony turns and runs away in fear. And just for the record, I went over the crowd shots with a fine-toothed HDTV comb, and I didn't see anyone else from the cast (past or present) that I recognized. No Jackie Jr. for you.

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