The Test Dream

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
T Didn't Start The Fire

Suddenly it's night, and Tony is running down a darkened alleyway. From a window in one of the nearby buildings, a Lee Harvey Oswald-esque sniper takes a quick pot shot at him, and then we see the crowd from earlier chasing him down the alley. Only this time, they're led by Carmela. Heh. Do you get it, by the way? Tony being chased by an angry MOB? Yeah, I thought so. It gets even funnier, though, when the crowd is replaced by some angry townspeople, wearing lederhosen and carrying lit torches. Hee hee! Who doesn't love lederhosen? Tony looks up to see an ominous black SUV parked at the end of the alley, with some bass-heavy rap music blaring from inside. The song? Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain." Well, at least it wasn't "Working My Way Back To You." Given the hints dropped about his upcoming reconciliation with Carmela, that wouldn't have really surprised me. Tony slows to a stop in fear, but then Artie Bucco appears from a adjacent doorway, and beckons Tony to follow him. Damn. And I was just starting to like this dream.

Cut to another car, still at night. Tony is in the passenger seat this time, and Artie is driving. He does that signature hand to forehead move he's always doing, and then complains that he's "wiped out." Before Tony can answer, he hears a belch from the back seat, and he turns to find Richie Aprile and Gigi Cestone back there. Gigi looks good. Richie's put on some weight. It must have been that sausage grinder. Tony turns back to Artie and asks, "What the fuck are you doing to yourself?"

Then we're suddenly back in The Plaza, where Tony is fucking Charmaine while Artie does some, er...back seat driving. So to speak. The soundtrack here is dominated by the sound of a horse's hooves, for some reason, which Artie explains away by referring to the carriages we saw earlier. "It' than when we were kids!" shouts Charmaine, and I really could have died a happy man without ever seeing this scene. In fact, I think I'm going to go run "We Are the Champions" on an endless loop on my iPod for a while. I need a brain cleansing. "Oh!" exclaims Artie, "She likes it when you rub her muzzle." And that, of course, is exactly what Tony said to Carmela when she first met Pie-O-My.

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