The Test Dream

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
T Didn't Start The Fire

Coach makes a crack about Tony having his psychiatrist wrapped around his finger, because that's what Tony was always good at back in high school. Then he stands up and adds that he also told Tony that "most likely, [Tony would] take the easy way out." "I see you on TV," he continues. "That's some show you put on." And now we're really through the looking glass, aren't we? But Coach is actually talking about the news, which Tony takes as a reference to his mafia career. "I am a leader," he insists. "I got a house worth a million two. Two kids, a wife." "Do you?" asks the Coach. "Have a wife?" "Yeah!" shouts Tony. "She's got the big house, because I'm successful." Um, I don't want to rain on your parade or anything Tony, but Carmela's got the big house because you're unfaithful, not because you're successful. "You know, I only told you I wanted to be a coach because I liked playing ball," yells Tony. "But I was just shining you on, because that's what I do." Coach starts ranting that Tony was special, and how he had "leadership potential," but Tony just raises his gun again and gets ready to shoot. When he pulls the trigger, though, the gun falls apart and the bullets go crashing to the floor. He frantically tries to scoop them up and reload, but the bullets literally turn to shit in his hands, and he starts coughing and choking at the fumes. "You're not prepared!" shouts Coach. "You'll never shut me up!" Shout-out?

Except we actually will shut him up, because Tony has finally woken up. He's alone in his bed at The Plaza, and like he always does after a bad dream, he staggers to the bathroom and washes his face.

When he comes back to the bedroom, his phone is ringing, and the clerk tells him that there's a "Mr. Mantovani" there to see him. "Send him up," replies Tony, and then he pulls on a robe and heads for the mini-bar to fetch a snack. And what does he settle on, you ask? Yep, that's right. Toblerone. Sometimes I amaze even myself. He cracks open the little triangular box, but there's a knock at the door before he gets a chance to take a bite. Setting the candy down, Tony checks the peephole and then lets Christopher into the suite. Chris, of course, is there to deliver the news that we all knew was coming: Diet Tony tried to whack Phil Leotardo. Unfortunately, however, he only managed to kill Billy Leotardo, and Phil is now in the hospital, recuperating from getting "winged." And also from having his little brother die in his arms. Christopher's description of this event is quite vivid, and all the little details do make me question whether he might have been there to witness it. Or possibly even to cause it. I doubt that's the case, however. Although I will admit that the hopeful tone in Christopher's voice when he promises to be there for Tony and "whatever" he might need (i.e. killing Diet Tony) does make me wonder. "I don't know what to say," sighs Christopher. "I guess [Diet Tony's] fucked, poor guy." "'Poor guy'?" replies Tony. "We're all fucked." Christopher decides to make his exit, but before he goes, he asks if Tony is going to eat the Toblerone. Heh. The box, incidentally, now has the "T" oh-so- symbolically missing from the label. Tony tells him to take it, and then just stares off into space until Christopher leaves.

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