The Test Dream

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
T Didn't Start The Fire

Back in the room, Tony is quick to notice that his message light is blinking. It's Silvio, calling with the news about Angelo's death. And yeah, while it's a nice touch to have Tony get the information just as he's finally laid hands on a newspaper (as well as the upcoming contrast with Diet Tony's strict communications discipline, I still don't believe that a hotel voicemail is the only way Silvio would have to get in touch. Especially not when Tony is about to come right out and say that he's got his cell phone with him. Anyway, Tony immediately realizes what the ramifications of this hit might be, so he dials up Diet Tony's cell.

And I swear to you all, if I never hear "We Are the Champions" again for as long as live, I will die a happy man. Bitter, alone, and most likely on fire, but happy nevertheless. Diet Tony, however, seems to be enjoying the tune, because he just lets the phone ring without picking it up. He's in the car, by the way, driving to an (as yet) unknown destination, and his voicemail explicitly states that no one is to leave messages on that phone.

Tony angrily hangs up, and immediately dials the casino. A nice old lady named Dot answers, and tells him that she hasn't seen Diet Tony all night. He orders her to have him call as soon as he comes in, and she cheerfully agrees. It doesn't sound like it, but her response was actually pretty funny. Tony's next call is to Aunt Quintana, who also hasn't seen Diet Tony since he left with the kids that morning. "Call me if you hear anything," demands Tony, and then he hangs up on her while she's still begging to be told what's going on. And surprisingly enough, that's as close as we're going to get to exploring Tony's feelings about his mother this week. His final call of the night is to the Bing, where Paulie answers and becomes the third person in a row to have no idea where Diet Tony is. Their conversation is interrupted when the hooker arrives, and you can almost hear the sleazy smile on Paulie's face when he asks if Tony has "company." The hooker heads off to fix herself a drink while Tony wraps up his conversation by observing that Diet Tony was "acting all squirrelly" when he visited that morning. "I got a bad feeling about this," he sighs. "Don't worry about it," replies Paulie. "He ain't that stupid." Obviously, Paulie has never seen an Ewok. He has probably has, however, seen the same sort of cellulite-riddled ass that Tony gets an eyeful of as the hooker bends over check the mini-bar. I wonder if he's trying to catch her in the rye?

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