The Test Dream

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
T Didn't Start The Fire

Cut to Tony inside the house, looking disheveled in a brown track suit. Music that the closed captioning describes as "suspenseful" and I describe as "jangly and annoying" plays in the background. He wanders into kitchen, where he finds Carmela all decked out in a fancy black suit. "Jesus, you scared me," she complains, before chastising him for not being ready yet. "We gotta meet Finn's parents." Then she asks him if he's really going to wear that track suit to the meeting. "Well, my stuff isn't here," he sighs. She reminds him that he left a brown suit, and then reminds him again that they're late. "I had the worst fucking dream," he whispers, looking distracted. Carmela: "We should take separate cars." Yeah. Because the last time he had this dream, she was in the car with him. And we all know how that turned out. Tony glances over at the TV on the counter, and notices that it's playing a scene from Chinatown. "Gimme a minute," he protests, as Carmela tries to shoo him upstairs. "Can't you pull yourself away for once?" she shouts. "Your head is filled with this stuff." "It's just that it's so much more interesting...than life," he replies. "What are you kidding me?" she snots. "It is your life." The movie on the TV suddenly changes to A Christmas Carol (and not, as I mistakenly identified it in the recaplet, A Christmas Story. Sue me, I'm Jewish), except that Scrooge's housekeeper's first line is partially dubbed into Spanish, presumably to remind us of Tony's own new cleaning lady. I think the Ghosts of Tony's Past and Present are pretty clear in this dream sequence, but I'm not sure about the Ghost of Tony's Future. Is it the death of Phil Leotardo? Or his dalliance with Charmaine? You be the judge. "Will you please get dressed," begs Carmela, but Tony just echoes Gloria by pointing back to the TV.

At this point we hear a doorbell on the soundtrack, and the TV changes to show Carmela in the front hall, primping in the Front Foyer Mirror of Love. Tony joins her in the shot, and so now we're watching them on our own TVs, through their TV, and reflected in the mirror, and that pretty much makes literal all the space-time warping "meta" jokes I was cracking earlier in the season. The best part is that the scene on their little TV is even properly letter-boxed. Thanks to whoever in the forums pointed that out, because my TV is already widescreen, so there's no need for letter-boxing. I never even would have noticed. I'm betting the hall of mirrors thing is also probably a "Funhouse" reference. Tony helps his wife into her fur coat, and then we cut back to see the two of them watching all this themselves on the TV in the kitchen. Ow. My head hurts. TV Tony (who is finally wearing that brown suit) says that it's time to go, and then Kitchen Carmela announces that she'll wait in the car. TV Carmela repeats that same line, but when TV Tony moves to follow, he's brought up short by a pain in his mouth. He reaches a finger in there to feel around, and then TV Tony becomes Hallway Tony so that we can better see the bloody and disgusting tooth that he spits out into his palm. Ew. Carmela calls back to him one last time, and Tony (now TV Tony again) collects himself and heads for the door.

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