Maison de Soprano. It seems that Carmela's investment counseling cousin Brian has escaped from whatever dropped subplot cell the FBI has been holding him in along with Adriana, Gloria, Ray Curto, and Jesus Rossi. He's in the living room, recommending that they invest in an insurance trust, failing to get Tony's jokes about purchasing classic cars as a "growth-oriented reallocation of [their] assets," and generally just reminding me way too much of the overly enthusiastic, jargon-spouting salespeople I work with every day. As Alan Ball would say, "Don't over-close. It kills the word of mouth." Tony's demeanor during the scene, however, makes it clear that Brian was never going to make a sale in the first place, and that's confirmed when Tony espouses a desire to talk things over with his accountant. To his credit, the actor playing Brian does an excellent job of looking like he can't decide whether to be sad he's lost a big commission or relieved that he won't be laundering money for the Mafia. Meanwhile, the phone starts ringing, and AJ hollers down from upstairs that "Uncle Sil" is calling. After he grabs the kitchen extension and hollers back for AJ to hang up, we're treated to a one-sided conversation where Tony basically says, "He did what?!?"
Cut to T's Suburban, screeching to a halt in front of a nondescript office building. Inside, he accosts an unrepentant Johnny Sack, who claims that the beating of Yeoman Donny was a message intended to make Joey Pants, a.k.a. "that foppy cocksucker," aware that Johnny and Carmine know he's been looting the Esplanade. Heh. "Foppy cocksucker" is so my new insult of choice. In fact, I used it on my boss at work just the other day. He was less amused than you might think. "This fucking [Joey] is more creative than Spielberg," continues Johnny, but Tony only cares that it's one of his own employees getting smacked around. Hmm. I wonder if the mob has a human resources department. Anyway, Johnny eventually reveals the real reason behind the beating, and Tony is forced to do a rather pathetic job of pretending he's never heard the "ninety-five-pound mole" comment before. I do note, however, that Johnny, perhaps in a moment of spousal vanity, has shaved five pounds off the weight of the mole in his recollection of the incident. Either way, StTM = 392. Flush with righteous indignation, Johnny delivers a laundry list of all the ways Ginny has tried to fight her weight, including "Weight Watchers," "Richard Simmons," and "fasting." Oddly enough, that's the exact same method I used to write the season premiere recap. "You're telling me how hard it is?" asks Tony, gesturing to his gut. Well, yes. Yes, I am. Sometimes I think people underestimate just how difficult recapping really is.