The Weight

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Weight

Bada Bing. Tony sits alone in the back room, reading a newspaper. Johnny Sack walks in and sullenly announces that he's decided to accept Joey's apology. Tony, however, wants to break some balls first, and reports that Yeoman Donny has suffered nerve damage. Johnny is apologetic, but unwilling to explain his reasoning. "No more weight remarks," he says. "They're hurtful, and destructive." "Oh, I agree," replies Tony. As do I, in fact. Once Johnny leaves, Tony heaves a gigantic sigh of relief.

Maison de Soprano. Carmela is lying in bed when Tony comes home bearing gifts. He's got a big bouquet of flowers, and also a racy little black number from Saks Fifth Avenue. By the way, get it? Johnny Sack shows his wife real love, and Tony shows his wife boxes from Saks. Talk about gift-wrapping a metaphor for you. Anyway, Carm tries the dress on, and it fits perfectly. Sometimes I forget that Edie is pretty hot herself. Tony certainly thinks so, what with the earlobe nibbling and the breast groping and all. They start to mack mob-style, but the Italian song from Furio's house kicks in on the soundtrack, and Carmela is distracted. She pushes Tony away, and we discover that the music is actually coming from Meadow's room. Carmela jumps up to scream at her to turn it down, while Tony quickly rips off his clothes. And then they jump back in bed, and the cameraman cranks up a funky shutter-speed effect, and we fade to black on the least erotic sex scene ever filmed. And that includes Janice and Joey.

Aaron: Wow. Gandolfini's got a pretty hairy back.
David Chase: Yeah, but he's still no Krause.
Aaron: True. But really, who is?
David Chase: Good point. So can we talk about your criticisms for a minute? I think it's a little unfair for you to expect us to include every single subplot in every single episode. I mean, we only get an hour, and the show has like nine hundred characters now.
Aaron: Whatever. Why don't you send me an email about it?
David Chase: Get out. Now. Or I shall taunt you a second time.

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