The Weight

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | 1 USERS: A-
The Weight

Columbia. Meadow stands in a hallway, listening to the ugliest sweater in the history of creation describing the benefits of volunteering at "the law center." "Last year, with our help, over half a dozen crack babies were reunited with their natural mothers," explains the sweater. "Several of whom are now in recovery." Heh. Meadow looks pretty good here, so even though she makes a snotty comment about the value of a college education, I'll let it pass without a "shut up." She signs up to volunteer, then heads off down the hall.

Bada Bing back room. Tony, Silvio, and Christopher are trying to figure out who could have told Johnny Sack about Joey's joke. In other words, they're trying to identify the mole mole. Or something like that. Silvio thinks it could have been Patsy, but Chris thinks that the Feds have Vesuvio bugged and are spreading stories to create "a little dysentery among the ranks." Hee! David Chase, ladies and gentlemen. The undisputed master of the malaprop. Although if Silvio keeps wolfing down those McDonald's fries, dysentery might not be all that far-fetched. Chris Albrecht, ladies and gentlemen. The undisputed master of the product placement. Anyway, Silvio gets called out of the room to deal with a liquor inspector, and Tony asks Christopher if he thinks Silvio could be the mole. Chris responds with a very Zen "You never know, T."

Hey, who's this brown-haired lady using all the psychiatric terms? I mean, she looks familiar, but I can't quite place her. Oh! I know! It's Jennifer Melfi. She used to be on this show, but then she got asked to march in a parade, and was never seen again. Well, it's good to have you back, Dr. Melfi. She's in a session with Dr. Boggie, pouring out her concerns over her son Jason's regression during his senior year of college. Apparently he's even considering dropping out of college. Boggie is as unhelpful as ever, especially when Melfi asks about his own daughter Saskia. "Sask has always been highly motivated, kenahora," he responds. Oy. With the Yiddish now, Boggie? What a nudnik. Melfi goes on to explain that Jason has been having problems ever since the rape. "He's powerless to avenge you," responds Boggie. "And he resents his father for the same shortcomings."

And speaking of incipient vengeance, look who's back from Florida. It's Joey Pants! He's greeted warmly by Wide Guy and Thin Guy, and is immediately informed that Tony is on his way over. This naturally leads to the subject of the break-up with Janice, and Joey decides to get in a pre-emptive strike, in case she reveals his predilection for kinky sex play. "You know what that crazy bitch was into?" he jokes. "She wanted to stick a dildo up my ass, and make believe she was pimping me out." Thanks for the recap, Joey. You're apparently a stronger man than I am. Just as Joey exclaims that "the whole family is nuts," Tony knocks on the door and comes inside. Wide Guy and Thin Guy are dismissed, and Tony and Joey sit down to discuss the Yeoman Donny situation. Joey feigns compassion, and also claims he doesn't even remember making a crack about Ginny. Tony calls him on it, and also forces him to call Johnny Sack to patch things up. Cut to Ginny, answering the phone to hear Joey describe himself as her "secret admirer." Heh. She hands the phone off to Johnny, who listens angrily as Joey denies saying anything. Tony, who's also listening in on an extension, tries to coach Joey on what to say, and insists that he not apologize for anything. So, of course, Joey immediately does, prompting Sack to observe that he "should have let Tony chop [Joey's] head off a year ago." With that he slams the phone down, and Tony yells at Joey for apologizing.

New York. Johnny Sack storms into Carmine's restaurant, demanding that he sanction a hit on Joey Pants for violating Ginny's honor. "[Joey] slept with Ginny?" replies a befuddled Carmine. Hee! I love the exasperated look on Vincent Curatola's face after that line. It's perfect. Johnny tells him about the joke, which Carmine makes him repeat out loud. And then he doesn't even get it, which forces Johnny to explain. "The implication was that her ass was so big that she could have a mole that size." Heh. Carmine isn't willing to have a big earner like Joey Pants killed over an "off-color remark," and instead suggests taxing him to the tune of $200,000. Sigh. If only everyone who told jokes that bad could be taxed. There wouldn't be a single sitcom left on TV. ["Or that many recappers around here, either." -- Sars] Johnny isn't placated, however. "Two hundred grand for insulting my wife?" he screams. "What's next, Carmine, he gets to fuck her for a million?" Only if he's Robert Redford. And if last night's showing of The Last Castle is any indication, Robert Redford should never be allowed near James Gandolfini again. Carmine, however, simply replies, "[Joey] wants to fuck Ginny?" Hee again! Stupid mob bosses are funny. Realizing that his demands for action are going nowhere, Johnny declares his desire for a sit-down to try to resolve the issue.

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