To Save Us All From Satan's Power

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Ho ho ho and a barrel of fun

Kris Kringle: Ha! Man, I appreciate that guy. He's so totally my favorite Aaron.
David Chase: Oh, I know. Although, don't tell Sorkin this, but I'm kind of partial to Hammerin' Hank myself.
Kris Kringle: Well, who isn't?
David Chase: That's a good point. And for what it's worth, you're absolutely my second favorite Kris.
Kris Kringle: Aww, thanks. Who's your first?
David Chase: Kris Kristofferson. It's twice the Kris.
Kris Kringle: I guess that's understandable. Hey, I bet I can guess your least favorite Aaron…

At the Bing (whose backroom of late bears a suspicious similarity to the Paulie's-apartment set), Silvio, Christopher, and Hesh are unpacking the Christmas ornaments. Hesh pulls out a tiny piece of the tree, remarking, "Here's a branch. I don't see the rest of the tree." I was about to go off on a rant about why the show's only Jewish character is doing the Christmas decorating, but then Christopher replies with "Fuck that philosophical shit," and I'm literally laughing too hard to care anymore. Silvio finds the Santa suit, and everyone gets all sad. "I don't even want to touch this fucking thing," laments Silvio, but before those who didn't see the previews can get an explanation on all this, Tony, Paulie, and Ray "Office Depot" Curto arrive. There's hugs all around, and we finally get that missing exposition. It was Big Pussy that always used to play Santa for the kids, and as Chris points out, "This is the first Christmas in history I remember him not being [there]." Paulie mentions how he and Tony were just discussing Pussy the other day (and with this crew, wouldn't that be true every day? With a lower-case "P," of course), and how he was totally different when he got back from Boca. Ray "Remember me?" Curto interjects, "Two-faced fuck. To sell out your friends to save your own ass? It's despicable." I never thought I'd be saying this about The Sopranos, but everybody watch out for falling anvils. The ones made of iron-y are the heaviest. Ray "You know, the rat guy? Episode two? Anyone?" Curto then tries to get them to talk about killing Pussy by proclaiming that "that was one ride [he] would have liked to be in on." Tony, however, just doesn't want to discuss it anymore. ["Episode Two is gonna have Ewoks in it, by the way." -- George Lucas] And is it just me, or is that like the bazillionth time Tony's just missed getting nailed on tape this season? It happens about seventeen more times in this episode, too. The gang tries to figure out who'll take over as Santa, and everyone's eyes slowly turn to Tony, because "it's fitting. After all, it was [his] father who started this tradition." Paulie slides back into his tutu and delivers the full back-story on Johnny Boy and old man Satriale. Anyone interested in hearing it all can just go watch "Fortunate Son." Or better yet, read that recap, because this one is already running long. Silvio (who's been hilarious the whole scene) tries one last time to get Tony to don the suit.

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