To Save Us All From Satan's Power

Episode Report Card
Aaron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Ho ho ho and a barrel of fun

A sleigh-bell musical medley leads us into the next scene, as Tony goes dashing through the snow in a three-hundred horsepower Chevy Suburban. He arrives at some restaurant/community center with Cyrillic writing all over the place. A drunk Russian guy greets him, and then the big Russian mob boss comes over to chat. The drunk guy (whom I'd swear is being played by Gerard Depardieu, because let's face it, the guy's not working anywhere else) does a funny drunken comedy bit, and then Tony and the boss, who I'll just call Joey Stalin, head into the back. Tony hands over a bag of cash for the Russians to launder through a few of their banks, and it was this very "ripped-from-the-headlines" nod to the Bank of New York scandal that prompted me to go with Law & Order for the opening conversation this week. Anyway, they banter a bit about some stolen cars and other mob business, and then Tony asks Joey Stalin to locate the guy that beat up Janice. Stalin offers to "beat the shit out of him," as guys named Stalin are wont to do, but Tony insists that "this guy is mine." As he walks back outside, the ever-efficient Tony opens the log and scratches off both "transfer cannolis" and "Janice's Russian."

Wow! Even the strippers are good on this show. I won't describe the move that opens this scene, but if you've got a tape, check it out. Now that's impressive. Silvio is hanging out at the bar, but when he notices that something is amiss under the counter, he flips out and yells for the DJ to stop the music. "What happened to the Jarlsberg that was under here?" he asks, in a highly accusatory tone. I have no idea what strippers are really thinking about when they're up there, but somehow I doubt that indulging the boss's fromage fetish is too high on their list of priorities. Turns out I'm wrong about that one, however, as The Only Stripper Besides Tracee That Gets To Talk replies, "Debbie had a rondele of Brie missing from her purse yesterday." Bwa ha ha ha! But what kind of a daft punk steals Brie? Silvio heads into the dressing room to investigate. The requisite spooky sound-effect is provided by a dangling pay phone's busy signal, and Silvio spreads apart a rack of costumes to reveal a bloody Big Pussy, caught in a bloody big mousetrap. But then suddenly Silvio jerks awake, and it turns out that the whole cheese thing was just a dream. Which is kinda frustrating, because I'm still going to have the Monty Python sketch stuck in my head for the next week.

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