Two Tonys

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
A Little Less Conversation...

Back inside, Carmela pulls out a bottle of bleach to apply to the garbage cans. Tony, however, goes straight for the fridge and starts chugging OJ out of the carton without even thinking about what he's doing. Wow. Talk about muscle memory. Carmela watches this but chooses not to comment, probably because she knows what's coming next: Tony pulls out a wad of cash and hands it over as part of their "arrangement." He also refuses her offer of coffee, because last time it had a "weird taste." Carmela complains that the coffee maker is shot, but Tony reads this as a plea for more money ["because coffee makers are prohibitively expensive?" -- Wing Chun], and reminds her that he already fixed the upstairs toilet, and that he's not paying for extra stuff each and every month. He does, however, offer to shell out an extra $1,200 so that she and AJ can check into a hotel until the Corduroy Crisis is over. Carmela declines the offer, because she doesn't want to disturb AJ's routine. "He'll get a kick out of it," insists Tony. "It's an adventure. God knows he loves room service." Hee! "I'll give him room service," replies Carmela. "The end of my foot." Heh! But that sentiment would be a lot more believable if she'd actually applied it before both her kids got so spoiled that they've actually curdled. Carmela also calls AJ an "asshole," which she accepts as being normal for his age, but that doesn't mean she still can't find a way to blame Tony: "You buy him too much stuff," she bitches, "because you feel guilty about the separation. $5,000 on a set of drums. An SAT tutor or a new coffee maker, I got to fight you tooth and nail." When Tony tries to defend himself, she makes a lame joke about the tutor "soaking [Tony] for an extra pencil." "Ohh, rim shot!" shouts Tony. AJ, who has since retired to his room to practice the drums, obliviously obliges. Nice. Carmela goes on to complain that Tony is trying to make her life as difficult as possible financially, and I find it hard to believe that she would actually be surprised by that kind of behavior. Tony responds by claiming that he's an "old-school" Catholic who doesn't believe in separation or divorce, even if his wife was "going after a fucking immigrant." Despite the fact that Carmela definitely knows of at least two immigrants that Tony himself has gone after, she elects instead to reply by saying, "And yet you're modern enough to use a cell phone to call Italy and every other fucking place to threaten the guy's life." You know why? Because she likes that Tony threatened Furio, because it means he's jealous and paying attention to her. "He had coffee here, Tony, that's all," she insists. "And now the coffee maker sucks," he answers. "How do you like them apples?" Knowing a good exit line when he steals one from Good Will Hunting, Tony picks up the extra cash he left for the hotel and stalks out of the house. Yeah. Missed the show. Didn't miss recapping the fight scenes.

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