Sopranos
Two Tonys

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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A Little Less Conversation...

Cut to a few moments later, as Carmela busies herself by emptying the dishwasher. Suddenly, we hear AJ shrieking from outside, and Carmela runs out to the patio to find AJ on one side and pretty impressive-sized black bear on the other. AJ whimpers and snivels and says "Mommy" a lot, but he does at least retain enough decorum to eschew the inevitable "puddle forming around his ankles" shot that just about any other show would have felt compelled to throw in here. That's not to say he probably still didn't piss his pants, though, because that's totally an AJ thing to do. Carmela sizes up the situation, and rapidly determines that it's the sort thing that would be best handled by the judicious application of a nice Teflon non-stick coating. Or something like that. She runs inside to grab a couple of pots and pans, which affords Robert Iler the opportunity to deliver what is by far his best plaintively comedic line reading out of about two dozen repeats of the word "Mommy!" in this scene. He wants her to get Dad's gun, but she thinks it's too far away. So instead, she just bangs the pots together and yells a lot. And then she throws the frying pan at poor little Paddington. And then he just sits there for a minute before finally noticing that his trainer is waving a nice juicy slice of Roy Horn over by the gazebo. As soon as Yogi wanders off, Carmela rushes over to hug her son, and AJ rushes back inside to change his diaper.

Tony, meanwhile, is hanging out with Valentina at what I initially thought was a motel (due to the tacky décor), but now seems more likely to be Valentina's place. He's getting dressed. She's lolling around on the bed in skimpy lingerie and asking how he enjoyed the "olive loaf." And oddly enough, she actually does mean "olive loaf." That's not a sexual euphemism or anything. At least I hope it's not, because Tony replies by extolling the virtues of slathering said loaf with "Gulden's Spicy Brown." Then again, it's Valentina. Who knows what these two get up to? I have to be honest, however, and admit that it took me a couple of minutes to recognize her and realize that she wasn't just some random goomar. Then I also remembered that I really don't like her, but somehow I'm now finding myself rapidly revising that assessment. Maybe it's because she's the only one who wears anything even remotely resembling a robe in this episode. Or maybe it's just because she looks damn good in that lingerie and I'm still used to watching a bunch of greasy, dirty, stinky Okies running around kissing their sisters and licking each other's scar tissue. I get enough of that on my own dates, thank you very much.

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Sopranos

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